So a few months ago, H said that he was approached about taking a job in another city about 4 hours away. I asked if he was thinking about doing it and he said he was keeping his options open. I never heard anything more about it (not that he would talk to me about it anyway).
He also has family in this city, his brother and sister and their families. For the 4 years that we were together before all of this, we didn't go to visit his family in that city one time. I tried to make plans to go spend the weekend, but it never panned out. He's been once since all this until 2 weeks ago. He spent the weekend there 2 weeks ago and is spending the weekend there again this weekend. I'm wondering if he is interviewing or is considering taking the job?
I know this is all just guesswork, but that would totally change everything....
Sometimes space and distance can be good. If you're not around you're not to blame for his problems. That's why giving space is such a recommended first step.
My DB coach told me there are four stages to R:
1. Let the dust settle. 2. Establish a non-marital relationship. A friendship like that of a neighbor, based on acknowledgement of each other's autonomy, mutual good will, and respect. 3. Romance. 4. Reconciliation.
In my sitch I am STILL in step 1. 10 months in. Maybe someday we'll go to stage 2. Maybe not. There are no guarantees. But I had a lot of dust to let settle!
Point is, I think the dust still is settling, and sometimes that's needed before you can rebuild a friendship.
Have you ever considered a DB coach?
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
