Main message: I'm here and reading you, as always.
Mozza,
Likewise, it seems like you and I ping-pong back and forth when it comes to approaching the next step in the process. I've seen you're a lot more insightful in your writing than I've been, but find that it often mirrors what I'm thinking. Like I said the other week, you're one of the first sitch's I identified with and its been comforting going through it with you. In an anonymous internet guy-friend kind of way....
As far as why I'm on the site. It really was that I felt like I was 'damaged goods' from others at this point in my life. Most of my friends are married, have kids or have been single and generally 'unattached' and those folks still have that hint of 'freedom' (that frankly I'm not really interested in. Stuff like extravagant trips, partying, huge time consuming hobbies (I guess in general GAL activities )
For me, I felt like everything in my life is going just fine, I was and still am comfortable about pretty much every aspect....except for my huge mess of a M/Relationship. When I got on there, it was just a relief that so many people seemed to be in a similar position; focused on kids, career, normal life.
Yeah, with the contact. I'm not sure if it revolves around ego, but I'd be lying if I said it had nothing to do with that. Not that I'm trying to lead anyone on or anything, trust me I'm not. It's all just been friendly conversation, but I'll write something and then get anxious to see if its a positive response. That's why I said what I did about an EA, I see myself thinking about how to 'connect' even if its just as a friendship. What to discuss, what to joke about, etc.
Also, I find that its nice to get to talk to someone that is unaffected by the sitch and really knows nothing about me. What I mean is that most everyone that I interact with on a personal level has been there every step of the way during the sitch. I can tell they are there to support me, look out for me, and generally care about me. They've seen me at my lowest points in my life and have seen me begin to cope, get stronger and continue to heal. With trying to get to know someone, I know that they haven't seen that part of me and are just trying to learn stuff through conversation.
Lastly, as I'm rambling also; this is definitely part of me pushing out of my comfort zone, which is part of where I see growth for me (like you've said about yourself.) I've been so conservative, planning and executing my entire life, career, whatever. It's good to just do something and not be totally sure what the outcome will be. Call it growth from letting go of control? I don't know.
_______________ For Vanilla,
I'm really glad how you addressed Mozza and I. I actually caught myself smiling a little bit when reading your post; thinking 'yep, she knows me and called me on some pieces that I'm probably BS-ing to myself in my own head' Maybe a little less of MNG for MCS?
M:36 W:37 T: 15 M:11 S6 D5 BD: 8/10/14 IDLY: 8/12/14 S: 8/13/14 (she left, I stayed w/ kids) D Mentioned: 10/15/14 Confronted about OM: 10/15/14 EA: ~4/13 PA: ~10/13 She filed: 8/15 (not final)
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