I know there are no guarantees but.....

[Mozza]

As I wrote before, what you need is patience. Then again, you're at the beginning, so you want technical advice, concrete steps to take so let me be clearer for you.

If you are to R with your WW, it will take 1-2, perhaps 3 years according to the success stories. See what I mean by patience? If I tell you that your package will arrive in two years, will you sit by the mailbox watching the road for the mailman? No, you will go one with your life. That's what you need to do now.

So, no contact. How will your WW see your changes? She will because there are multiple channels of communications between you that you're not aware of. You might meet her on the street: if you've taken the habit of dressing better for instance, she will notice (this happened to me 3 days ago). Your SS16 will also be a channel, every now and then. You might have other opportunities, such as more trouble with FIL that will put you in touch. She might end up calling you. Keep reading mt sitch (lots of fantastic advice by an all-star team of vets) and you'll see that I have actually reduced our communications to almost nothing, at my own initiative.

If it looks like you are trying to communicate with her, it won't be convincing. She has to see you when you think she's not watching. She knows you're trying to convince her to R, so she sees everything you do in front of her as manipulative. So that's why eventually your changes will have to be for yourself, regardless of what she wants. You have to become attractive to her again.

Regarding patience, keep in mind that tomorrow is not like today. She does not contact you today, but you don't know how it will be in a few days. You just don't. Accept this. A few years ago, you wouldn't have expected a D, yet here you are. So who knows what tomorrow brings? Stop projecting today onto tomorrow. It's partly what brought us here.

I don't know if it will get to you this time because we've sort of told you a few times. It's ok to ask, don't apologize. But really try to understand that your next step is to take away the focus from your WW, back onto yourself. You choose what you need and want to change, to improve, and you get to work. You need to GAL a lot to get over the pain. Do stuff that you love. Think of what you're now free to do, perhaps stuff you put on the ice. This is harder than it seems because you have your habits and some things are just forgotten. It will take months to rediscover what you really love. I remember having some existential crisis in the bedding section of a chain store because I didn't know what my taste were and what were those of WW. It's been almost eight months and I'm not even completely there yet.

By the way, you should add you age and that of your WW in your signature (eg: M22 W21). The code for your stepson is SS16. Also, the length of the relationship (eg: T16) and the marriage (eg: M8). Of course, you can remove "yesterday" from your signature. No need for the days, they just obscurce. So it would be "D 2015-04"