Sandi2-do you mean don't fall for her reasons? Do you think that the reasons she gave are not the real reasons?
You may not have given her the emotional connection she needed to feel, but there's something that seems off. She could have used your anger issue against you in a big way. That would make more sense, to me, rather than what she's giving as her reasons for leaving. Not that you've physically hurt her or S2, but women can build a convincing case against a man who people know is angry all the time.
Do you remember times that she tried to talk to you about needing you to "be there for her", or to appreciate her more, and telling her how great she is (did she really say that?). Some(not all) people who have very low self-esteem and a lot of insecurities, have trouble ever getting enough emotional food from their S. It's been my experience to see women like this become hypersensitive, but I'm sure that is not the case with all.
I am just trying to be fair to her. The most sense she made (according to what you've said) was the part about not wanting to worry about what kind of mood you would be in every day, and being mad all the time. I would also think being on the receiving end of your silent treatments (days at a time) could be pretty miserable.
Do you know what she meant about you having a problem communicating? Does she mean that you won't talk about your feelings, or is it something else? Have you considered actually getting help with it?
My gut tells me that she's not being completely upfront about what's really going on. I mean, you stopped therapy b/c you thought things were going so good. How did things change that caused you to believe they were better?
Don't be surprised if she will wants to keep you emotionally hanging by a thread. Beware of her saying she wants you both to be the best of friends, or always be friends, etc. It can become a trap for the LBH, b/c he sees it as an avenue to get closer to her and hopefully reconcile. However, she is not thinking along those line at all. She will use and abuse....all in the name of "friendship". If you tell her "no", she'll throw it in your face, "I thought you said we could be friends!" You cannot be her BFF. You can be polite and civil, but don't make the mistake of saying you'll be her friend. Anyone can be her friend, but only one person gets to be her husband. Don't settle for less.
In the meantime, I hope you will consider, seriously, returning to therapy. Did the therapist say your anger was due to the childhood trauma? Has the therapist ever said that is why you have a communication problem, or has it ever been mentioned?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
