I know there are no guarantees but.....

[XFit14]

Sandi2,

(Thanks for the tip on posting I'll try to do that and make it easier)
You are welcome for the flattery (and prepare for more) because again you have given me extremely well thought out, insightful and potent advice that makes me wonder where you have been hiding while spying on my life :-)

Let me address the exGF and try not to make you feel as if you have wasted your time typing all that only to kick back in your chair with a cup of coffee to watch me make a disastrous mistake. I don't picture any of you saying I told you so and I don't plan on giving you the opportunity anyway.

I have never gone back to an exgf...ever. In all my ridiculously horrible dating experiences the one thing I have never ever done is take an ex back or get re-involved emotionally or physically.
I have always looked at it as they had their chance and chose to put me second place, test the waters or see if the grass is greener. I am not mean about it if/when they return (and many have) but I think better of myself than to be second prize and try to live by the monicker of, "Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me."
I know you have read through my story and I have written of a few dating disasters and I definitely don't need to give anyone a second chance at breaking my heart or wounding my self esteem.
So the obvious next question would be why would I want to take my wife back if she decides(d) to come back. It's just ...different. Vows, promises, dreams, history, LOVING her more than any other woman I've been with.

I did not hold my breath that ExGF was going to answer my question and if she did that she would spare my feelings and tell me the brutal blunt truth. I had to try though.
You are correct in that I am only hearing one side of a two person story about a rocky on the rocks marriage. I do not have his side and you are right it is not for me to stick my nose into and I have enough of my own stuff to deal with.

I am NOT looking to rebound with her in any way shape or form (cue the eye rolling). Talking to her last night did not pluck at any heart strings or raise any old feelings of regret or heartache, longing or love. I know I am recently divorced which brings with it the low self esteem and possibility of rebound etc.
I have been a rebound guy in the past and don't want to put someone else through that pain. It's not fair.
I agree that with her past track record she would more than likely dump me if her husband returned or someone else. I do not intend to give her another chance or ruin a possible chance of re-connecting with my wife.
She is not an older woman but she did have kids very very young. Too young which explains some of her behavior sometimes. You are by no means jumping the gun and again it is with (eerie but meant in the nicest of way) admiration that you seem to be able to think of and see everything from a different angle and comment with effective advice.

This one blows me away because I know I have written a little on the subject but I have not specifically stated this. YES I want to be a dad.....in the worst way!! OMG I do. I want to change diapers and stay up all night doing feedings and rocking and watch him/her learn to roll over, crawl, walk talk, learn and grow.
You nailed this, again, as if you have read my mind. I am not looking to have a child with her (ExGF). No thank you. I would adopt with my exW in a heartbeat but as much as it would be nice to have a flesh and blood child of my own there are SO many kids that need a good loving home and with my exW I know it would be.
I am not settling. To be honest it was nice to talk to someone about their issues and problems in that it took mine away from being at the front of my mind for a while.
I also am not looking to get involved with ANYONE to try to win my wife back. Don't honestly believe that would work, it would inevitably hurt someone else to benefit me and as many times I have been hurt...I cant do that to someone else in good conscience.

I am not in denial but I am being very very careful. Let me reiterate I am NOT looking for a one night stand, old flame relationship...hell I'm not looking for anything right now accept I would love to see my wife pop up on the caller ID or email. Not holding my breath for that though...not yet.

I appreciate you writing what you did and looking deeply into my possibly precarious delve into the past. I'm not looking to do that to win my wife back, hurt her, or to fill a painful void with someone who already had their chance in my life. If nothing else...the lousy relationships I have had have at least taught me I am valuable, I am a catch, I am not disposable or replaceable (Ill be honest I feel that way right now though) and I won't give someone who left me for absolutely no reason....a second shot to do more damage.

As for still being here.....I am hoping that DBing and DRing techniques can still be applied and can still hopefully work even after the divorce date.
I am learning and working on myself and recovering from this....loss. I still have hope I just don't know if I am crazy to still have it based on what I wrote earlier this morning about my ExW.

Sandi2, Again, thank you so much for your time in typing all that you did and your caring and concern. You don't even know how much it is appreciated.