WAH with one foot out the door and one in.

[V2pt0]

Gan, thanks for offering some of you insight. I have to agree with you. Yes, did I deny my H a primary need, sure. But he also denied me my primary need of intimacy and emotional connection. I need these in order to feel turned on my my H. Unlike him, I can not just turn on that part of me without it feeling forced. I have learned since BD that my H decided early on in our M to withdraw and avoid what he was feeling. Just saying sex is important to you does not tell the whole story. Had my H said that it made him feel lonely, undesireable, etc. I would probably have taken it more seriously. My love languages are affirmation and quality time together, so it never really occurred to me he was getting so much denied emotionally due to lack of sex. My H thinks he is the better communicator in our M, which is true, but I have learned that he what he thinks is open communication is not. Unlike you Zues, I don't think my H let me know what I was denying him. So wish I would have been wise enough to look into ways to save my marriage years ago when the issues first arose. My H has said same. I guess we are both avoiders.

I have learned that there is a big communication issue in our R, which is not surprising for anyone with serious marriage issues. Another issue that has come up is the fact that I have denied him children. During our M and his schooling, we had multiple conversations about whether to add that pressure to a Masters and then PhD program. We mutually agreed that it was not realistic with me being the primary income and the pressures we were already facing. Now I am hearing that I knew it was important to him and I have denied him that. Can't even express how hurtful it is to hear this.

Listen, I have no room to talk because I have not been fully open either. I am just realizing a great deal of our issues all stem from lack of open and honest communication. I feel that can be fixed. My H, does not. It all because of my personality.