Alpha Step At A Time #5

[alpha99]

Hi all,

I've not fallen off the face of the Earth, I've just been living life more than ever recently.

So here's an update:

Since my last post I have been on 2 more dates with the girl I met at the quiz. We get on like a house on fire and I like her a lot. I will be seeing her tomorrow and the last time we met she was trying to get me to help her out with some second job sideline she has going this Sunday. We haven't been intimate at all, just a peck on the cheek at the end of each date, but I would be willing to explore that further should the opportunity present itself.

From that you can probably gather that there's been no development with my W, and I don't see or even want any development to come along, regardless of what happens with the other women I've met. My W only calls to make arrangements for the kids or to make thinly veiled threats on how she might choose to extort money from me or this, that, and the other along those lines. She can be nice when she wants a favour, but I stick to my guns and don't help her out unless an emergency. The kids appear fine, although W is starting to use them as a weapon by stating they want to be see me on certain days that suit her so that she can go out etc. The kids are very happy and it's really sad to see her use them to try and manipulate me. We are moving along with the house sale. Well, in that it will be getting valued in the next few days and then going on the market soon after.

Since I'm not looking for reconciliation, and neither is W, then clearly it isn't on the cards. After my world falling apart when all of this started, if I was to receive D papers now I wouldn't mind one bit. Sure, there's a nostalgic side that would be sad to finalise things and that this M has ultimately been a failure, but I've learnt so much about myself recently, how I'm worth more than I give myself credit for, how I need to advance my career, how despite my previous or apparent lack of confidence I can have an very attractive lady ask me out, and be comfortable in that kind of situation. Life does not end when your M ends. I feel for my children but ultimately living a sham life for their happiness would not be the thing to do, even if it was an option. I can see a happy future for myself, one where I'm successful, one where I meet someone who I can engage with on the same level. Not to criticise my W overly, because we spent 10+ years together, but she left school with no qualifications and has little interest in most non shallow reality TV kind of things. I am university educated, and whilst my confidence has held me back in the past, I am now emerging more confidently and hopefully able to rectify my past reticence to get on with life to be able to move forward career wise and attract someone of a more similar ilk to myself. I'm not being nasty to my W at all, she is who she is, and yes people of all backgrounds and abilities can be together and be happy, but one thing that has nagged me throughout our M is the lack of stimulating conversation I could have with her.

I'm working regularly again now and earning some decent money. My main area of growth has been getting out more with friends and socialising. Along with three dates in just over a week I have also been out with an old friend and told him everything about my sitch, and also been out to more quizzes and will be out again tonight for another social meetup thing. My confidence is growing in that for the first time in my life I am getting up off my bum and going out and living, experiencing life in a new way. A lifetime of being reluctant to approach people and make friends is falling by the wayside as I get out more. Tonight there is a meetup thing nearby with 25 people going. I have seen maybe 5 of these people once or twice before, and my 'date' will be there too, but other than that I don't know anyone. Not so long ago I would never have dreamt of going, or if somehow forced to for some reason I would have spent the day dreading how to turn up, say hello, fit in etc, but now I look forward to these things.

When I told my old friend about my lack of confidence he was in disbelief. He always thought I was so confident. It seems I had managed to fool everyone in that regard, even my W over the years.

So as far as the future goes I can see our house being sold within a few months, somehow or other W and I working out how to divorce in the cheapest, easiest, and quickest way, maintaining the same sort of rota with the childminding, moving forward with my career (I've been looking into a few new avenues to explore), and hopefully either continuing on with this lady I've met (I would like this) and seeing what happens or somewhere down the line finding someone else to be happy with.