WAW-- LRT in action

[SadDood]

I don't have a lot of time to explain the contents of the conversation in which W asked for a D.

We hadn't talked in about a week except for some mundane texts about the kids.

Then a few nights ago (I returned home from work last night), she said that our renter is moving out of one of our rentals and she will be moving in on May 4th. I agreed and was kind on the phone. Didn't want to be argumentative. She wanted to start talking about a dissolution right when I returned and I told her I need some more time to think about it. I then told her that I don't want a divorce and wouldn't agree to a dissolution for 1 year. I'm willing to fight for this marriage and to work on me. I said that if we are still in a status quo in 1 year from today, I will willingly enter into an amicable dissolution. W said I was trying to control her again. I let her know that we live in a no-fault divorce state and she could file for divorce at any time and she doesn't need an amicable dissolution. This calmed her somewhat and she said she'd have to sleep on it.

The next day she said that a 1 year waiting period sounds like a good idea, if not for the kid's sake, to be able to tell them down the road that we gave it an honest effort. She left the home to stay at family friend's house while I am home until she moves into our rental home. I can tell not being with the kids is driving her insane. I haven't initiated contact, but have been pleasant on the phone when she calls. She called this morning about the kids, in what I presume was a temperture check. Then she texted me multiple times throughout the day a few meaningless texts. I took my time to respond to each one, but did so succintly, but not rudely. Then after work, she called me to see if she could see the kids for 10 minutes and I told her that we were all at the playground and she could swing by.

When she arrived, she gave both the kids big hugs and then we shared an awkward hug and kissed eachother on the cheek (even more awkward). Trying to be lovingly in return, but not overly enthusiastic. After watching the kids play and making small talk and laughing with the kids, she said she had to go. (I would have left first, but for the kids playing). And she approached me and gave me a long hug. Not going to lie, but it felt genuine and sincere, but I have a feeling she was trying to feed me breadcrumbs. Don't want to mindread or have expectations at this point. But, I suspect she's having second thoughts.

I had a really good talk a few days ago with my Counsin's wife who seemed like a pseudo-shrink and left the two hour conversation elated and optimistic. Won't bore you with the details, but I got a lot off my chest and have felt amazing ever since. For the first time I feel truly detached. I told her that I have the gift of time and I need to "work on me," but I don't really know what "working on me" is. She explained that working on you is getting to a spot where you're happy and you don't need other's to make you happy. Sounds simple, but I finally understood. There was a lot more discussed, but ever since then, I have truly felt empowered and liberated. I've hardly thought about WAW and have found contentment and thankfulness in the things I do have (health, kids, family, roof over my head, etc., etc.). This is actually an amazing feeling once you get to this point. She explained to me that stress, anxiety, and guilt are all either causes or symptoms of unhappiness. I told her I had a lot of all three. She told me to let go of those and I'll feel better. She's a heavy equipment operator and has never been to college, yet these were the most profound words I have ever heard.

Yes, you can read Cadet's opening message and all the links he provides over and over again, but once you actually "get it" everything is so much easier. Wish I could have come to this epiphany right after BD. Yeah! It's only been 3 days, but my outlook is so much better than even before BD. I finally get what JamesJohn<?> wrote in his explanation of LRT (which I have printed out and read every day, in addition to the 37 rules). Funny thing is... since my epiphany, I haven't needed to refer to his explanation of the 37 rules, because it all just makes sense now.

Sorry for the novel... but, I wish I could explain it better to those who have not yet gotten to this DETACHment point. I've had the best nights sleep in each of the past 3 nights than I have in a few months.

Will update more later. Based on W's increased willingness to make contact with me, I think her fog is lifting and she doesn't really want to move out or be away from the kids half the year. I'll keep my distance until I see a true desire to even begin reconciliation and know that she's not just manipulating me (or trying to anyway). *pats self on back*