Life after D - 01 - going from dark to light

[gogofo]

Gofo,

You sound stronger lately and that's wonderful to see.

I want to caution you that you would want to keep an open mind about this 24-year old woman. Not get too caught up on the superficial stuff. Let things happen organically between you. Remember your DBing skills?!

You might be surprised at learning what this woman may have to offer. Some 24-year olds are incredibly mature.

I am feeling stronger and it is wonderful to experience. A painful truth may be that I may have never hit this point with the D. I don't think I would have properly detached and GAL'd in the ways I needed. I feel like I woke up.

I am definetly not pushing hard with this girl and am just letting things play out as they happen. There does seem to be a spark there between us though.

I have been asking close friends there opinion as I don't want to do something unadvisable based on hormones. No one has told me it is a bad idea, I don't feel it is either.

She doesn't seem to be immature or still stuck in the whole high school phase of relationship and life drama. I just see us in very different places in our lives. We both have something to offer each other but even though share similar arcs, our vectors have different endings.

If things progress I am going to be honest with her about what I think I am looking for right now in a relationship as it may not be what she wants. I need to lay it all out in the beginning and not have any covert contracts.

What do I want? Fun, first and foremost I want to have fun with someone I care about and I want fun in my life. Respect for each other and our desires. Personal time with our own friends. Intimacy together. Openess with our feelings, wants, desires. I also want a fairly low commitment, but stay committed and exclusive with each other.

If we get there I will lay it out to her, she can let me know what she wants. If she is looking for that certain someone to marry it will probably send me packing. But I don't just want a random booty call (I think).

I also have two friends that want me to meet a girl in a similar situation as me. She is the same age, soon to be divorced, very nice, very attractive, and lives in a differnt town 15 miles away. She is getting out of a bad M where she was cheated on and her XH got the girl pregnant. This girl is unable to have children of her own. On paper we are a good match and sound great for each other.

What scares me is she sounds like someone to have a long term R with and I know I am not emotionally ready for that as I doubt anyone freshly D'd is.

My friend that is working on it told me today that there is no need for us to go on a date with each other. She said she is not a rebound girl, she is a relationship girl and said the same about me. It was a nice compliment. She also said I am a very desireable man for many reasons.

So my mind wanders and gets me thinking too much but it would be nice to have a practice R with the young girl and then go on to more serious things. If I was the 24 year old I would not be looking to have a serious R with a 34 year old who has two kids and a career that keeps him rooted where I currently live. Have fun with me, yeah I can provide and do things that a lot of her age group can't. But I think the both of us would know that in the end we would be going our seperate ways. I would not encourage her to stay with me instead of chasing a career etc.

I need to stop thinking and get some sleep but I want anyone who is in the think of it that there is life and happiness after D. Just keep working on yourself. If you would have told me two months ago that I would feel like this I would never have believed it.