I hucked a waterfall.

[lost18]

I personally think that it's ok to use exclamation points when appropriate...just sayin!

Try not to let what she does or doesn't do bother you too much. you're doing great, moments of weaknesses are allowed as long as you don't act on them!

[Bob723]

Hello Mahhhty,

I think you're doing the best you can under the circumstances.

We all understand why what she does or doesn't do bothers you. As you know, I'm a lot like that with my STBX. You can only control your actions. Let's pray that someday she wakes up and starts doing the right thing.

I really love Mozza but have to disagree about exclamation points!



Hang tough buddy!

Bob

[Mozza]

Well done, mahhhty.

I use exclamation points myself under certain circumstances, but not as I'd be trying to regain respect and love from my XW. It's a Nice Guy kind of thing, it's cool with friends, it's nice in an actual R, but it's not attractive. It's a form of pursuing, on the receiving end. It means "I want you to be sure I'm trying to be nice to you, to cheer you up, that I'm in a good mood don't worry". It doesn't say "I'm moving on" or "I'm not at the mercy of your reaction", which is the message you need to be sending her. Especially in your case, you have so much pursuit from which to back up.

Mahhhty, I think I get you (and I really like you, that's why I'm here). You've always been nice and that's how you relate to people, including love interests. I'm the same. But like Starsky309 did before, I'm learning to control my inner puppy. It's good to feel like my preferences (no other reason) matter and I do realize that it's more interesting and attractive for friends and women alike.

Regarding her overlooking your pending questions: it's called procrastination. I do the same with WW. I take my time to respond not because I'm playing hard to get, but because it's unpleasant to deal with. I procrastinated on my taxes as well (done!), on some work, on cleaning my office, etc. It's human nature and it's not about you.

[mahhhty]

Lost, Mozza, Bob,
You all are definitely my corner lately. I can't express how much I appreciate it.

Try not to let what she does or doesn't do bother you too much. you're doing great, moments of weaknesses are allowed as long as you don't act on them!

Thank Goodness! I guess that is progress.

We all understand why what she does or doesn't do bothers you. As you know, I'm a lot like that with my STBX. You can only control your actions. Let's pray that someday she wakes up and starts doing the right thing.

Thoughts are things! I continue to hope.

Mahhhty, I think I get you (and I really like you, that's why I'm here). You've always been nice and that's how you relate to people, including love interests. I'm the same. But like Starsky309 did before, I'm learning to control my inner puppy. It's good to feel like my preferences (no other reason) matter and I do realize that it's more interesting and attractive for friends and women alike.

Mozza... Nice Guys 101 right?!?!?! I really had to start looking at how my indifference affected many situations of my life, as well as the word Fine. I've gotten rid of those items. I should always have a preference. And nothing should ever just be fine. Fine is not who I want to be.

Regarding her overlooking your pending questions: it's called procrastination. I do the same with WW. I take my time to respond not because I'm playing hard to get, but because it's unpleasant to deal with. I procrastinated on my taxes as well (done!), on some work, on cleaning my office, etc. It's human nature and it's not about you.

From my perspective this is still a little ridiculous. She was supposed to pick her stuff up in November. Any thoughts on how I should handle this?

[mahhhty]

We've had a great couple of days together, but today has been the best so far. We stayed outside all day. I got them two fishing poles for Easter and we have been practicing for an upcoming fishing derby. We had a great time. Tonight, my parents come over tonight for dinner (Chicken and Salmon on the grill. Baked Brussel Sprouts) and a fire for s'mores.

Of course while having the s'mores, X called and the phone was not near me. I missed the call, then texted her... "We are having s'mores outside with my parents are u free to talk after?"

No response... 1 hr later I am putting the kids down to bed, and my D really wanted to talk to X. We called, I prompted D through leaving a voicemail. Immediately after hanging up D said lets call again. This time she left another voicemail and basically said I love you Mommy 5 times. It was extremely sweet and also heartbreaking. I have not acted in anyway. But honestly it is frustrating. I am more hurt and sorry for my children as they have to learn to live with the failure of their parents.

[Bob723]

Lost, Mozza, Bob,
You all are definitely my corner lately. I can't express how much I appreciate it.

Mahhhty,

Back at 'ya. You are always there for us. I feel Mozza is dead on with this: "You've always been nice and that's how you relate to people, including love interests."

You raise a good question. Obviously, you don't want to make an ultimatum, but this has been going on since November. I think, at some point, you are going to have to find a way to stand up to her about this. I know I'm not really answering your question. I hope one of th vets can come up with a solution.

Maybe you should inform her that she has 1 month to get her stuff or you are giving it away to a charity and explain politely that you need to move on with your life.

So, is that too pushy? Vets. what do you suggest our good friend Mahhhty do?

Hang tough sir!

Bob

[Bob723]

But honestly it is frustrating. I am more hurt and sorry for my children as they have to learn to live with the failure of their parents.

Mahhhty,

When I got divorced in 1999 from my 1st wife, that is exactly how I remember feeling about our 3 children. I think most, if not all couples who get divorced, with chikdren feel that way at one point or another.

When we are in the midst of a situation like separation or divorce, we tend to think there are few choices available to us. In reality there are a million choices available to you, and the choices you make will ultimately be those that have an effect on both your immediate and your future actions. Your children will be watching you closely.

Try to take actions that show your children you all will get thru this. I'm not saying it's easy, but my children made it (they are now 19. 22 and almost 24) and I know yours will, too!

Keep posting - we're here for you.

Bob

[lost18]

I think as parents we disappoint our kids regardless of whether or not we are married or divorced. Obviously, D itself is a huge heartbreak and disappointment to our kids (in normal circumstances). You need to let her make and fix her own mistakes with the kids, as you will have to do. I've never really thought about it, but when you are in a happy, supportive marriage you probably don't see those disappointments as readily because you are making them together, and if not together you are still a team and most likely overlook them.

Looking back I can see that H and I were disappointing our kids and because we were so disconnected it became another "fault" with each other. (if that makes sense)

"From my perspective this is still a little ridiculous. She was supposed to pick her stuff up in November. Any thoughts on how I should handle this?"

Does it have to be handled? How is this affecting you? Why are you so adamant that she remove her stuff? Can you move them to the garage or a spare room? Just questions...

[mahhhty]

Thanks for the post Bob. I thought that was spot on and insightful. That is the person I must be and have to be for my kids. A little sidebar (but somewhat related)... Today X picked up the kids from daycare, and I called to say goodnight. My S2 immediately started saying "going to Daddy's house, going to Daddy's house... Yeah." For whatever reasons he thought he was coming over and was very excited, and I dropped him off at daycare this AM. That made me really happy. I was not happy that he was saying it with his Mom there, I am sure that hurt her feelings, and perhaps had a negative impact on her. But I was very happy that he was saying it after seeing me so recently. Its all about them, and yes we will get through this.

Thanks Lost - I think you are getting to know me to well. "Does it have to be handled? How is this affecting you? Why are you so adamant that she remove her stuff? Can you move them to the garage or a spare room? Just questions..."

I can work around all issues, and mitigate them. Perhaps it bothers me b/c I don't understand why.

Here are the things I left in her court...
Coffee Meeting to discuss co-parenting items and give her the tax check. There has been no mention since she has been back from travel. Its been two weeks.
House Stuff Bureau, treadmill, decorations, paintings, random items, and the Washer and Dryer. All of which I agreed to in November. Her Mom is doing her Clothes. Seriously.

Why would she choose not to deal with these things after being so adamant about getting a D?

[mahhhty]

Cuatro de Cinco Journal Entry. Busy day today. Dropped off S at daycare this AM, and brought my D to the dentist. Had a great time. I love spending 1 on 1 time with the munchkins every now and then. Kayaked after work today. Was invited by some new people to go to Canada on a road trip. Had a fantastic time kayaking a difficult stretch. Went to the parents for dinner. Came home called the kids to say goodnight... which oddly enough X was very chatty asking me direct questions (PS it boggles my mind how often she chuckles/laughs at my jokes). Then worked out. Showed and hit these boards. Busy day. I'm beat. Goodnight.