Let me start by saying you've done a few things very well for DB:
-Stopping pursuit -Working on yourself, abstaining from alcohol -Avoiding driving your car off a cliff
Some good cornerstones to build off of
Seriously, I am SO glad you're still with us. I just joke about everything painful. Around here I rarely struggle for material.
The place I'm about to describe isn't reached overnight- it's a process not a decision- but I want to give you a glimpse.
If my WAW said she wanted R, I'd kind of be like..."Really? Why do you feel that way now? What about all of those 'incompatible' issues? Why do you think it would be any different?"
Then, maybe if her answers showed that she had grown, viewed things differently, and she was serious...maybe then we could have a two way conversation about what that might take or look like, and we could decide if that made sense to walk that path and see where it led.
Why? It's not that I wouldn't want a healthy M. But her simply tossing out the fact that she wants the M to work...that's not enough to change your behavior over. Think about what they'd say in AA if you said, WHILE YOU WERE DRUNK, "I'm thinking about quitting"... Great. Sober the heck up, show up for a meeting, tell your story, and make it convincing. But until you're sober we have nothing to talk about!
So please quit hanging on her every action waiting for her to be ready to recommit to M. It only hurts your heart and takes your eyes off your growth.
I'm glad your NC. It will allow you to start to stabilize. Take it easy, it's a long road, so relax and keep posting.
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
