To me, this goes to show our role in the separation. I just read 25yearsmlc repeating elsewhere that the OP is a symptom, not a cause. It pains me to admit it because I know he actively pursued my W. But then again, I had many things on my side (history, kids, marriage, inertia...) and my R should have been impenetrable. Maybe not perfect, as it's not possible, but impossible to break from the outside. I feel like I've let my W go dry emotionally and when she found some water, how could she resist?
M39 D6 D3 (at S) S 2014-09 D 2016-09
"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.
I told BF that while it doesn't excuse an affair, I understood what lead him to it. I agree with you on that score.
ME: 38 BF: 40 T: 10y, no kids, no M (by choice) BD: 7/14/14, BF admits to PA, wants out, lies about new R. 10/1/14: I move out, BF lies about move in with OW 12/4/14: OW confronted, reveals all the lies
This will be important for us to remember when comes time for forgiveness. Part of me is livid that she could go out of the R to be with an OM. If we ever get back together, I want her to know that this was her last chance ever to do this (she briefly cheated 5 years ago). But to expect her to stay in a bad relationship and decline all her opportunities for a better life makes no sense. I need to forgive her because in many ways I pushed her towards the OM by not treating her right, by leaving her love tank empty and ignoring her pleas to talk. Right now, it doesn't matter what her responsibilities are: I need to work on my side and accept my responsibility. This is the only way to my goal.
Wow...great advice...not to hijack anyone's thread but 25yearsmlc would you take the time at some point and read through mine? You have a bgreat perspective on a lot of this and I would welcome your input.
M 44 W 44 Married 2007 T-8 years M-7 years 1 stepson (now age 16) BD October 2014 I moved out Feb 2015 Divorce final ....(4-27-15)
