Lost & confused

[Clairee]

A quick check in, I have IC in an hour. Last night was a rough night for me. D13 had figure skating classes & while I was waiting H called. We talked briefly as I just wasn't in a good place. This upcoming trip has me all over the place. Nervous, anxious & quite honestly scared. It will be the first time I've seen him since the call. H told me I sound like I'm giving up. I remembered reading something in the newcomers forum about the ups & downs, so I texted it to him. This morning he called to thank me for sending it, it helped him understand this isn't like anything else & has no real phases but it's s roller coaster with ups, downs, twists & curves. We or I should say I was able to finally have him hear me about this trip. The city has negatives attached to it for me & that ties me in knots. The last trip I made has been tainted with negativity because of the reveal. He says where he is wasn't part of the A. I explained a restaurant building wouldn't have been a contributing factor either, but I wouldn't want to dine there if I knew he had with OW. That the hotel itself wasn't to blame, but I still wouldn't stay in it after this. I think he finally understood that while all these physical locations weren't reasons or catalysts, they represent everything that happened within them.

Well, need to change clothes quick & off to IC then grocery shopping, post office & to find D12 new shoes. She needs to stop growing lol!

Hope everyone is having s good day. And I thank each & everyone of you for your words of advice & support. I'm realizing more & more, life is what you make it no matter what obstacles are in your way. Today I'm making it a shave ice with ice cream kind of day!