Always a suggestion as to how to fix things (my mind works like this, if I ask someone for help or advice then I either take that info and use it or not. My W however takes that as me imposing my view on her)
W feeling that I did Not let her come to her own decisions.
As she says being to nice, good to her.
Still these actions does not push W into A,
As they say all women love a bad boy...... Time for change :-)
Do you even know how to be a bad boy?
BTW, I hope you won't feel as if anyone is picking on you b/c you had an A and now M to that person. We aren't here to shame anyone, and Lord knows I can't point fingers. Sometimes I may not "sound" to the poster the way I sound in my mind when I'm typing....but the whole point of the board is to support each other and try to help where we can. Thankfully, Cadet can use fewer words to say what I meant.
It takes questions and time to start putting things together, so try to be patient with us as work together. So, back to the quote I pasted above, you said some things that caused me a "ah-ha" moment. Let me share.
There are some cases where it seems the man is just too good to the W and she doesn't appreciate it. In fact, it may appear that the harder he tries to be the "perfect" H to her, the more it turns her off to him. Well, this true....in a sense. Maybe the problem comes in some misconceptions men have of what women want in a man.
We like attention from our H, but give us too much, and we feel smothered. We like for broken things around the house to get fixed ASAP, and really don't care who fixes it, just so it works. But don't even think about fixing us! Don't talk for us and don't think for us.....and do not under any circumstances tell us how we feel.
As able-bodied working women, or those who have a house full of kids, we think it only fair that the H help out. However, if he starts doing it all.......he can say bye, b/c some part of her will leave (interest/attraction, emotionally, sexually, or physically), and usually she becomes worthless with any chores. (Bear in mind, I'm referring to a couple who basically have the same amount of work load and hours on their job.) And why wouldn't she take him for granted? He is doing everything, and she doesn't have to lift a finger. She knows sooner or later, he'll get it done. Funny thing though, instead of really appreciating him, she starts to starts to loose the attraction she once felt. She may start showing a little disrespect in her tone of voice, or something else. In fact, she's likely to acquire a little entitlement attitude. So, yes, with some people... you just can't be too good to them.
When she said you were too nice to her, my first thoughts are that you don't address her being disrespectful toward you. Maybe you are too quick to forgive her when she's treated you awful. We will test our H's. We want a man who will stand up to us, if we get mean or act bad. We want a man who will let us know we are out of line and that he won't tolerate it. Not as though he was lord & master, but b/c he commands respect from those under his own roof.
These things play a part in how the W's feelings change over time. Her passion seems to die out and she has no challenge, so to speak. She disrespects and resents her H.
Your W may have deep issues, IDK. I am not doubting what you said. There does seem to be a pattern for her in R's. She's not the first person who fled her unhappiness b/c she either didn't know how to cope or she didn't want to try and learn. Many people look to another person as the key to their everlasting happiness. The fairy tales may end that way, but not real life. Maybe she doesn't understand that once they go off into the sunset, then the work comes. She's still trying to find prince charming to kiss her and make her dreams come true.
She is in for a world of hurt. All you can fix is yourself. I am so sorry for those four children.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
