WAH with one foot out the door and one in.

[Zues126]

OK, just got an email from MWD's DB email campaign saying she has a Youtube video on "the sex starved marriage". An H that just couldn't get through to his W sent her this video and I guess it turned things around. Your homework for tonight, hunt that video down and watch it. I'll do the same.

Back to your questions...again, you have to sort out what's a boundary, vs what's a reaction.

So if he is sleeping with another woman. That would be a boundary issue.
If he is calling you profane names. Boundary.
If he is lying to you about finances. Boundary.

Those would require immediate action. Not vindictive or punitive. But adjustments to protect yourself.

However, if when he doesn't text/email you it hurts your feelings and you don't like it, so you think he's being mean...
If him saying he doesn't know what he wants makes you shaky so you think you shouldn't let him treat you this way...
If he's not telling you where he's going and you feel mistrustful and feel the need to express you're not ok with that...

Those are your feelings. They are valid and real, but this isn't the time for them to run your ship. Right now you need to acknowledge them to yourself so you don't go crazy, but then you need to transcend that and act according to your HIGHER LEVEL beliefs, such as you believe in standing by your M.

PS- the stuff about him not blaming you for your failed M isn't necessarily correct. He may just feel you are "incompatible". He won't blame you because he might believe it wasn't within your control, that's just "how you are". So it's not your fault, it's just you'll obviously never be the kind of woman who he can be safe with because you're wired so differently it just couldn't work. That's how he might be viewing that.

Remember, don't try to talk him out of that with words. Do it with actually changing. I'm not joking about the homework!