Nole_Girl (1) Intro

[NoleGrl]

The next stage of this of going to be difficult. While we were having consistent text conversation and seeing each other once a week, that has now all stopped and we have very minimal contact. He is pushing to meet and try and work out the division of our assets. He has said on multiple occasions that I am going to "leave him high and dry" or "leave him on the street with nothing". That is not true, but I do want the division to be fair. In my state, it is equitable division, which takes length of marriage, each parties contribution to the assets, etc. into consideration. Also, while it is a no-fault state, fault can be taken into consideration in property division. Adultery is one of the "faults".

So, I can imagine that walking the line of not doing "more of the same" in his eyes (ie, controlling, lawyering him, manipulating) and sticking up for myself in the settlement is going to be hard. So I'm not quite sure how to approach that. And I also feel that I am running out of time. Once we get this ball rolling, I think it will play our fairly quickly.

This is just kind of thinking out loud...even when I feel that I am doing ok in my interaction with H (which does happen sometimes), he still will say I'm "throwing daggers" at him or playing games. And I get that it takes consistent change for a long period of time for them to actually notice and when we backslide they just think we haven't changed. But do you think they actually can see the change? I mean sometimes I feel like it doesn't matter what I do, because it's never good enough. He is only seeing what he wants and believing what he wants to believe to make it easier to leave. And I know my changes are for me and not him, but honestly isn't that why we are all here....to save our marriage?