After my ex announced that she wanted counseling, I tried to figure out the best I could what I was doing to harm my marriage, but the damage was already past repair. Her confronting me was like getting doused with cold water. It really woke me up to how my depression was affecting everyone. I really wish it hadn't taken that to get me to see it.
I think I also became focused on myself too much, partly a symptom of depression I guess. I was self-absorbed and surly/whiny. She lacked the social skills to call me on my behavior. She held everything in until it exploded, and then it was over. We never argued, but a lot of that was that she couldn't handle confrontation. Talking about her feelings openly is something she isn't good at.
I never was able to find out what her reasons were for the divorce. She just said she was unhappy. I suspected another man, but never had conclusive proof. She is now openly dating the guy I suspected she was having an affair with.
For my part I think my real contribution to the end of my marriage is that I closed her out. I didn't leave any room for her, so she found room somewhere else. I'm not excusing her actions, but I have to admit where I went wrong. I hope she sees where she was at fault, but unfortunately I think I'm still the fall guy in that relationship. I'm hoping for the sake of my kids that she doesn't keep repeating the same mistake.
