Have been thinking all day and think meeting him now is not what I really want, due to the fact that I feel sure that he's gonna call it quits or try to get me to do it.. Scared to make all the mistakes that I don't want to do, plead, beg, convince and so on..
Thinking of going away for the weekend instead, trying to get something positive in my system and focus on me. Do you think it's a bad plan, you more experienced DB?
Do I go against him in any negative way, if I ask to push it forward to next week instead, and just go away and get some time to think?
Thankful for any reply!!
M: 44 H: 43 ILYBNILWY: 7/4-15 Decided to try to reconnect. "This doesn't work, I have no feelings": 20/4-15 Scheduled "talk" :9/5-15 It's over: 9/5
Have been thinking all day and think meeting him now is not what I really want, due to the fact that I feel sure that he's gonna call it quits or try to get me to do it.. Scared to make all the mistakes that I don't want to do, plead, beg, convince and so on..
Thinking of going away for the weekend instead, trying to get something positive in my system and focus on me. Do you think it's a bad plan, you more experienced DB?
Do I go against him in any negative way, if I ask to push it forward to next week instead, and just go away and get some time to think?
Thankful for any reply!!
M: 44 H: 43 ILYBNILWY: 7/4-15 Decided to try to reconnect. "This doesn't work, I have no feelings": 20/4-15 Scheduled "talk" :9/5-15 It's over: 9/5
I'm so ridden with anxiety that it feels hard to breath.. I'm trying to decide what approach to have when he gets in touch about our talk-date tomorrow. I know he wants to call it off, and I'm just thinking that I don't want to have this conversation..
OMG he's calling as I'm writing this and I didn't reply. I need to have a thought on what to say or do when I talk with him. What on earth should I do?? :*(
M: 44 H: 43 ILYBNILWY: 7/4-15 Decided to try to reconnect. "This doesn't work, I have no feelings": 20/4-15 Scheduled "talk" :9/5-15 It's over: 9/5
Ok, so he called again and I had to pick up. Held it very breezy, light and so on, and said that I had planned to spend my weekend working on my running with some friends of mine, and was it ok to put of our talk until next week? He sounded happy for me and said that of course was that ok.
I'm not sure if it was a bad idea to buy some extra time, maybe it doesn't do a bit of good. But I felt I needed some time to gather myself and not just show up and make a mess of things..
We spoke some about his kids and he said that all 3 of them has at some stage or another said that they wish him and their mum would get back together.. Not recently from the two oldest, but the younger one not that long ago as he doesn't like travelling back and forth. However, he's ex has just got a baby with her new man so that is not an option and I know he'd never go back. Still it felt a bit sad..
Ok, I'll just keep venting I guess.. If any of you have any thoughts of this being bad or good, please let me know.
M: 44 H: 43 ILYBNILWY: 7/4-15 Decided to try to reconnect. "This doesn't work, I have no feelings": 20/4-15 Scheduled "talk" :9/5-15 It's over: 9/5
Relax...you don't KNOW anything. Remember, no expectations. Even if that is what he says that does not mean you have no time left, many have reconciled even after D.
Look at the validation cheat sheet posted by Wonka. That will help. Also, look at some other threads, I know there are others who had the "talk" and did very well with the validating and still letting their S know it isn't what they wanted without begging, pleading etc.
Do something fun this weekend and take care of your self. As far as FB there is a way to block him from seeing your posts without unfriending him (my H did it to me).
Me-44 (45) H- 50 (51) M-'96
S-18(20)D-15(17)D-12(14)
BD Feb 2014 (he works overseas) home Oct(sep rooms) (EAs possible Pa's unconfirmed) insists wants D through July 2015 no more talk of D since
Just checking in to see how you are! If you need time to collect yourself and do what is right for you do it and so be it. Nothing wrong with a girl listening to her gut, her intuition and doing what is right for her. Seems reasonable and fair to me. Take the weekend away and make it all about YOU!
The rest will be here when you get back, and who knows you may find something for yourself while you are out and about in the world, living life, you may find something that adds perspective, or brings value or just makes you feel A WHOLE LOT BETTER!
You are right, I need to stop panicking and not paint it all black. We still haven't had "the talk" because I felt I couldn't and told a semi-lie to get out of it.. I just felt I would break down, cry and plead and as I can tell from all the DB here that would not have been a plus in my book.
I said I'd be back on Sunday and I spend these few days running, spending time with my family and reading.. The DB book still haven't showed up, but I've got confirmation that it will be here on Monday so after my running-date in the evening I'm gonna crawl into bed and read read read!
I spoke to him both last night, (telling him my semi-lie about going away) and he was very calm and relaxed. Sounded like he enjoyed talking to me. He has his kids at home during the weekend, so I'm not sure if he'll have any time to miss me.. But at least I'm not there making a fool of myself.
I have read the validation sheet by Wonka and will read it again and again. I have also read several other treads and will do my best soaking up advice.
I know I have a very impulsive nature, going from "Oh, I'll be cool, calm and collected" to "I'm gonna call him and give him a piece of my mind NOW and the hell with him" within a blink of an eye and I guess that is my biggest thing to come to grips with personally.
I will try and keep down my expectations to zero. Maybe if I can do that I can stop going on this roller-coaster, and taking it more in stride.
My plan is to let him bring up the "talk" and take all initiative on making contact. I just hope that this little breather is gonna make him realise that he misses me, even though he said he didn't on Wednesday.
Thank you so much for your reply.. To be here, really helps loads!
Bye from a very grey and rainy Sweden..
M: 44 H: 43 ILYBNILWY: 7/4-15 Decided to try to reconnect. "This doesn't work, I have no feelings": 20/4-15 Scheduled "talk" :9/5-15 It's over: 9/5
Oh, my favourite colour JellyB! How wonderful to hear from you!
Well, I'm hanging in there but it goes very much up and down.. I chickened out on the "talk" and told my first lie EVER in our R but I just couldn't handle it.
So now I'm using this weekend to focus on myself and running. But when all these thoughts flashes in my brain, I get the week in the knees so it feels like they are about to buckle..
I'm so worried that he is gonna stick with what he has said that he doesn't feel the same for me and that he simply can't help it and want to call it quits. I keep reading here that even small changes are being noticed and I just hope that they are right, and that he'll react and feel that he misses me.
A friend of mine said yesterday that she thought that he might be one of these people that only can do one thing at the time. He's been so invested in me, us and now when his kids needs him due to their mum having a new baby, he only wants to focus on them. And that might make him feel that he's got no energy to put into our R. Maybe she's right.
I'm trying to implement a little bit of "The Secret" if you've read that book. It's about laws of attraction and I try to keep a positive mind and try to attract good things to me, him and our R. As you can tell, I'll do anything!
How are you sweet JB? Been out and about since we wrote last?
I'm going out for a run now, it's early evening, and then I'm cooking dinner for my niece and her daughter (who are here to keep me company and keep my mind above sea level) and my son who I hope comes to stay the night. Then it's the sofa and a warm fire that I hopefully will give me some peace of mind as I'm working on my BO over the weekend.
Lots of hugs to you, the sweetest read bean of them all! PS, Tomorrow is candy time and I'm gonna buy a handful of read Jelly Beans when I'm at the shop! Ds
M: 44 H: 43 ILYBNILWY: 7/4-15 Decided to try to reconnect. "This doesn't work, I have no feelings": 20/4-15 Scheduled "talk" :9/5-15 It's over: 9/5
A friend of mine said yesterday that she thought that he might be one of these people that only can do one thing at the time. He's been so invested in me, us and now when his kids needs him due to their mum having a new baby, he only wants to focus on them. And that might make him feel that he's got no energy to put into our R. Maybe she's right.
Hey Tulo, everything you said makes perfect sense. This is still really raw (when was BD? Can you add a signature?).
Be careful about diagnosing your WAH...I think friends and family do this a lot, spin theories about what's wrong with your WAH that he would do this. The fact is that while he's clearly a flawed human being, we ALL are. And maybe you are seeing him at his worst right now.
If you read my last thread you'll note that when I was young I went through a couple of years in which I was making not the healthiest decisions. I was definitely at my worst. And towards the end of my M I made MORE horrible decisions. Again, my worst.
Yet I am not a bad guy. My WAW thinks so, and she has surely spend many a night diagnosing my problems with her friends and family.
My point is I think this isn't a great road to go down. I am proud you haven't done much of that on your posts, so I'm not chastising, just warning you it's a slippery slope. Your friends want you to feel better and cheer you up. You want to grow and potentially save your M. So continue to focus on you, and have compassion for your WAH. This is definitely the "worse" in for better and for worse, so be proud that you're a strong loving W that will stand for your M.
Take care of yourself this weekend and keep posting!
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
