Diana I think you're doing a lot of things right. I also think you could be doing some things better. Specifically; detaching, and avoiding any R talk.
I know how hard it is when you're in the moment. We can read and study and get advice and plan before we're in conversations with our spouses- or even with them in person; but in the moment sometimes it's like all of our preparation goes out the window. We're in so much pain, we want them so badly so we capitulate to our 'feelings' in the heat of the moment- especially when lovemaking is involved.
I read other people's situations and I can very objectively see what they are doing that is working and what isn't. I can give advice like a completely caring but non-involved third person. Why? Because I'm completely detached from that situation. But I've been struggling now for over three months to bring that same level of rationale and simple solution oriented thinking to my own situation.
Therein lies the key sweet Diana. Act as if you are an outside viewer of your situation. Act like you're giving somebody else advice (of which you've given quite well on these boards).
Detach. No relationship talk. No initiating. Keep your conversations light and brief if H initiates. Use your energy on yourself.
