So even after a good long talk and a bunch of friendly email exchanges, I still feel manipulated. She had the A, wants the D, doesn't want me to have my own L, is upset that I have my own L and is again threatning me with losing my kids (which is not possible in CA). I just let her talk and again validated. I did not argue at all. I did do a lot of mimicking just to ensure I heard correctly.
I am giving her what she wants - the D, I have set her free, dropped the rope all of that. I am very sad about it yet, she dos not acknowledge the hurt in any of us, the devastation that she has reaped on our family. She just does not get it.
Maybe she never will and I will just have to accept that. Maybe that's the key, just accept her for what she is and not for who I thought she was (Wife and Mother). Maybe that's not who she wants to be.
She acts like all of this pain just fell from the sky and landed on our heads and she had NOTHING to do with it. She just does not see it from my view point and I don't see it from hers.
Cest la vie.
She is mad that I won't let her come into the family home - she moved out in October and told me how much she hated me, never loved me, the house was a prison, etc... Now she wants to come in and vist when she feels like it. I am just not there yet. I did go in her apt once and it was a DIASTER. She did come in the house once and it was another DIASTER. She rummaged through the kitchen and bathroom like she still lived here. It ticked me off although I did not say anything. I just don't think we are ready for that yet.
I read this - then thought you should re-read YOUR title. Follow that advice.
Also what you wrote above is good
Quote:
Maybe she never will and I will just have to accept that. Maybe that's the key, just accept her for what she is and not for who I thought she was (Wife and Mother). Maybe that's not who she wants to be.
Overall not too bad, IMHO.
Again overall, continue to follow your title's advice
