Control sited as to why an affair

[MCS]

Stuart,

To start, As people were saying about GB, there are some reasons that folks are confronting you about the A. These folks have been here a long time and there's some systemic traits and behaviors they see in A and the people involved in them that are hard to deal with. My own brother has married his A partner and is struggling to hold his 2nd marriage together after years of dealing with the same issues that he had in his first marriage. So, everyone is well meaning, they are just trying to assess where you are and identify things that you may need to address for yourself. As DBing is about personal growth before R of M

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As far as telling the kids. I've struggled with the same thing and seeked the help of the board and a MC. You can go back and read my threads as this has been a common theme during my sitch (WW won't communicate with me)

Here's some of the advice I've received

1) Kids need to be reassured they are always going to be loved

2) Kids understand when there's a dichotomy in what you say and what you do. I.E., don't tell them everything is fine, when they see it's not

3) Kids will not ask questions about the sitch, but normally have ones they want to ask. Ask them how they feel and if they have questions

4) Be honest, but mindful of their age. When mine asked if mommy still loves me, I said I don't know. when asked if I still love mommy, I said yes. When they asked if mommy would come back home, I said I don't know. Etc. you can probably say a little more to the older ones, they probably are more in tune because they're use to friends with parents separated

5) Kids hear and see much more than you think, be careful what you say to others while they are around

6) Above all (and this was the MC advice) do not say anything bad about your WW in front of them. No slander, no talk of OM, etc.

Also, just something to think about. A girl I work with, her parents got divorced when she was 5. She told me at ~18, she pieced everything together and really saw the sitch for what it was W had A. She said both her parents never spoke a word of it, but life experiences opened her eyes