Control sited as to why an affair

[MCS]

Stuart,

I saw some similar stuff when I confronted my WW (2 months after BD, but now 6 months ago.)

She told me it was not 'much' of a PA, that it was just a fling, that they had just been messing around as friends, it was over, it never had a chance, etc. etc. etc. Then she let down her guard enough to say "He's not going to leave his GF anyway." and "The A is over, but he's still going to be my best friend to get through this."

It took me a few hours for those statements to sink in and then I realized I was Plan B. (This is all non-DBing, FYI) When I talked with her after realizing this; I repeated back what she said and then said "WW, do you still love him?" It totally caught her by surprise that I figured that out and she said "MCS, I don't know what it is, maybe." I then said that when I said that I would work on the M; it would not be with someone else involved and not just physically, but also emotionally.

__________

I heard this time and time again, but it didn't sink in for months. You need to do what is good for YOU. Don't worry about her, you can't fix it. Don't 'try' to make this easier on her...this is her decision. But don't be a jerk about it (telling her about keeping you in reserve is borderline depending on how it was said)

If YOU are okay being around her without pursuing, begging, etc. and can give her space; than fine. If YOU find you can't do that and it emotionally is taking a toll on you, then the advice I see around her from the Veterans is ask HER to leave or switch schedules.

Stuart, the thing that took me forever in my head to comprehend is this. What part of this is your choice???? Yeah, that's what I thought. So why make it easy on her by catering to her. Read back through Sandi's WW thread as you can see that a WW is a master of manipulation and will do that without regard of your emotions.