I know there are no guarantees but.....

[XFit14]

Shermann, Thanks for posting. I'm sorry you are going through this also. I'm not going to get into more of my situation right this second in regards to what you posted being that I am at work but I appreciate what you said. (I have an adoiption story but I will leave that for later)
I agree with what you said about my step son also. If I can accomplish nothing else but to be a positive influence on him as he continues into adulthood (and hopefully after that) then I am ahead of the game. We have a history. Just the other day when we were coming back from riding he said it felt weird not having us all together. He is 16 so even that coming from him is a positive because he and his mom are VERY close. Extremely!! I envy their relationship (it is very special) and I know he wont say or do anything to hurt her or make her look bad....even to me. He is protective and he also doesnt want to get in the middle (his words) and I get that.

I'm doing the best I can to give him what he needs without it feeling forced, false or faked. Baby steps to a certain degree. Kids are like dogs....they can smell BS or badguys from a mile away. He knows I am not a bad guy and I would never physically hurt him or his mom. He knows (now) what all happened and why I kind of 'checked out' on being a better step dad. He gets it...doesn't mean he likes it. I feel guilty beyond words for not stepping up, for allowing the anger to get in the way of bonding more with him and for not going forward and adopting him. I don't know if I can ever effectively explain what was going through my head during this time. I have said it before and I will again. . . I never thought marriage was going to be a huge battle with my inlaws...sometimes daily with police involvment and courts and plain blatant hate! My setp son was collateral damage and shouldn't have been. Him and my wife (I believe) were a gift from God to me and I allowed anger to get in the way of that. I have so much to make up for (if even possible) because I WISH I had even a snippet of the relationshiop he has with his mom. Even now at 16, he will leave the room and as he is leaving he will say "love you" to his mom. He will come back into the room ten seconds later because he forgot something and as he is leaving again will say, "Love you" to his mom again. Way cool!! And I missed out on that by being a jacka$$ and being mad about the situation (bad or not) with her father. I kick myself every single day !! So, that is another thing that SHE has to be upset with me about and why she says, "Why are you trying now?"

Well why not now? (Or am I wrong?) Am I just pushing her further away or doing more damage or getting in the way of her and my step son bonding with the new guy. Just in case any of you wonder.....my step son is an awesome kid. Well mannered, good grades, works out, good head on his shoulders....he is growing into and is going to be an extraordinary man! And in case anyone is wondering (and he knows this....now) I DO LOVE HIM.....I did a poor job of expressing that during our marriage (not easy for me to say but tis the cold hard truth)