So as things go, they feel weird in my house over the last week. It feels more like wife is pulling away more (am it is hard not pushing after her). She is doing more, helping with groceries, making me english muffins in AM a couple of times, taking in the trash cans, helping with dishes, she helped clean up after the party on Sunday for the boys’ birthdays (which she never does). She also has been trying to do more things for herself, where normally I would have just done it (would you like me to get you some water, no I will get it myself type of stuff). Or the Oh, you didn’t have to do that for me, when I did…, “ I would have done it myself” statements. She even rejected the offer for me to give her massage for her sore legs yesterday (which even during the darkest times, she did not ever reject).
So my gut tells me this is bad, but my newly found logic is telling me this is GREAT! First, I am not pushing to convince her that it is a good idea for me to do these things (in the past…”oh, it’s alright…I don’t mind doing X at all for you”). Something I need to keep up that momentum on letting her do things for herself, and not pushing. It also shows that she is taking responsibility more around the house, right?
Why is my gut telling me otherwise. Is this because she wants to be able to not have to feel like I am trying to buy her affection with acts of service [sigh, this was certainly one of my darker habits… I know that now] or that she wants to be more independent so she can leave?
Wife stopped going to team weight loss workouts in the mornings, said it was too expensive so she didn’t do the next 3-month commitment. That on the heels of getting some dental work, car work and next tuition bill paid. So trying to save money and do the excersizing in the normal gym framework or outside now that it is getting nicer. That is good, right? Not spending money she could have otherwise done.
Wife has cut down on texting like 80% over last week…and I have not been initiating too many of the texts where we were more 40-60. When I have been home, she seems less communicative with me, but then I’ve been busy so it could just be coincidence. When she does talk, it is more about stuff outside of the house, like research articles she read rather than stuff about the kids ALL THE TIME. So that is good, right? Do I need to come up with some topics to talk about, rather than letting her lead that most of the time?
Her kisses have been warmer though, she will grab my hand as I walk by. Last night she rubbed my shoulder before bed and held my hand and told me twice that she loved me.
No mind reading, right. Stay the course, right. Keep up the hard work, dont Muck it up. No R talks. I am not going to buy her anything for anniversary this weekend. I want to go dancing though…just need to set up a sitter. Detachment process has caused some pretty high anxiety and fear. I know I am still in too deep and am ½ way through Codependancy no more…there is so much me in that book. I do feel, deep down inside, that I still love my wife and it is not just an infatuation or sexual desire or loss that i'm trying to prevent. I very much enjoy her company and love listening and talking with her.
Where was this guy 10 years ago. Sometimes I wonder if she is divorce busting me? god I hope so
