For the second separation, I am going to need help to detach again. She texts something and I fall into the trap every time. I told her I can just be friends, like she suggested. I have to stop communication with her unrelated to kids or finances. But there is always something that sticks out. I think she is getting the idea though, that I will not be a friend. When she texts I should get in here and say what she said and how it made me feel. I keep saying that I am down with this all, but I can't give up. My kids deserve better, and we both deserve better. I know what I did wrong, and continue to do wrong. I'm trying to change myself, but it was all for her. I had no intentions for myself. That will change. I can't live like this. I can't live in fear of everything.
I hope that one day I can look back and say no matter what I did the right things. Even with the mistakes and lack of self control. I do believe in a higher power I may not go to church, but I oray often. I ask for guidance and signs of the right path to take. Tonight I will oray for the power to stop using messages as tools to get what I want. I'm totally not appreciating her space and wants right now. I'm tying to control her and her feelings and actions. I know I cant, but I can't stop either.
