My First Break, Light Shines Yonder

[Pyrite]

I know how you feel. It is sad and frustrating. I posted the other day, that I had been fine and strong all day - and then 1 email, email no less, took me back to square one. My gut tight, every part of me aching. But they get further apart and shorter.

My mum's D was 22 (T:26 years) years ago and she admitted that she still gets teary occasionally. My Dad on the other hand (analogous to the WAS) has always been angry, the victim etc. They both say they are happy - but I can tell you who really appears to be the happy one, travelling the country with her new H (who she is hesitant to call the love of her life, but absolutely considers to be the best R she has ever had). The one who actually grew from the experience.

So I suppose maybe it never will go away. But that doesn't mean we won't be able to enjoy another R again. I have to pull back on this as well, so I am not criticising, but chances are you will have several Rs before you M again. Some of those R partners will just not be the right ones. You can be an incredible person, in terms of maturity, developed, stable, healthy (EVEN flawless dare I say) etc and so might she be, but she still might not be "the one".

i know how it is for me. and it is very .....ironic. Given my ego, and the problems that come out of it (BTW I am wrestling more with this ATM and will post one day - as I have promised before ), one would think I am eager to boast about myself. In some situations/achievements I am, not to boast, but to make sure that it is acknowledged. In others I am downright embarassed. I suspect maybe you are in this boat here. I am not saying that you ARE ready, or pushing you, just dont sell yourself short in this regard.

Chances are that potential Rs will be with someone who has never paid so much attention to personal development. I had an interesting talk with my Mum last night that I am still digesting. It just reinforces that I am going to have to take a break from actively self analysing how I WOULD or WANT to be in the future and just be. Later the same applies to RsI guess. When? There's the $M64 question. When will I even get through a day without talking to my W in my head.