Bright - you make perfect sense to me. I think only those who are going through or have been through a MLC sep/d can fully understand and identify with how you are feeling and what you are going through.
Some of my friends are well over feeling compassion for me, they can't understand why I am not angry, why I don't trash h and why when asked if I would take him back I still say "possibly". I don't confide in those friends anymore, I stick to the ones I know support me whatever I do and for however long it takes.
There is no time limit on these things, there is so much to process and let go of. One day will you realise that your heart and head feels more calm and at peace, it will happen when you are good and ready - I know how frustrating it is though, its holds you against your will doesn't it, taking you back and forth, round and round. You just want to get off this rollercoaster and go on a more sedate ride - Bright, its all part of healing your mind, body and soul.
Know that your loved, cared about and supported, you have allowed me in to your world and I am humbled by that. Thank you.
