It's so hard to remember how fabulous we are when our WAS' are saying how horrible we are and that they can't stand to be married to us. I guess that is what GALing is for, to get back out there and find the person we were before this.
THIS. Absolutely.
That is why I am not interested in dating. No- I shouldn't say I'm not interested. I am sorely interested in the idea of having bright attractive women spending time with me and helping me "prove to myself" that I am a catch.
But the problem is that if I don't believe that on my own, without validation from someone else, there will be problems. Maybe that would lead to me trying to control her behavior to make her love me so I feel good about myself, even if I was abusive in the process. Or maybe that would just lead to me always feeling insecure, and only covering it up with medication from superficial interactions with other broken spirits desperately clinging to each other to drown out our loneliness.
Point is, you're right. It IS very, very hard. Maybe especially for me, a guy that has battled feeling insufficient all of my life. There have been times I am nearly overpowered to find someone to love me. I just want to see if I can transcend that with growth and time. I like the idea of being able to choose to be in a relationship because you want it, not because you need it.
And Mozza- to be fair, it's possible that my commitment to M stems from my desperate need to not face being responsible for my own emotional care. That I consider breaking the vows to be abandonment of the worst kind, because in some ways it felt worse than death. I admit that and am working on it. So that's one reason I believe in commitment and cling to a M.
****OK, after all the rambling, here is my mission statement:
I'd like to be ok on my own not so I can walk away from an M when it doesn't go the exact way I want, but so I can be strong enough to allow a healthy M to grow (for better), and strong enough to care for myself and remain committed and mature when I go through periods where my needs aren't being met and I'm not being validated by my partner (and for worse).
Last edited by Zues126; 04/29/1503:18 AM.
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
