It IS hard, isn't it? My W and I were together for 9 years, then married for 5 before BD. We got together when I was 16, and she was 15. We had been together for HALF OF OUR LIVES.

Now she is with OM. And it stinks. As much as I thought an A would be a deal-breaker, right now, I don't feel like it needs to be. That thought may change again before this is all said and done. I don't know, and I accept that I don't know.

The turning point for me was when she moved out this past Saturday. I realized that I had been doing things alone for just about the past month, and it was OK. I had been focused on HER, and what SHE was doing wrong, and hadn't thought enough about myself, and how I could improve.

I now have the freedom to do that, to straighten out my life, and enjoy the time I have with family, friends, my son (on weeks I have him), and work on my house. These are all things that she wanted me to do, mind you, but the perspective is different: They are things I NEED to do, as a MAN. They ARE things that will bring happiness to my life, and whether she accepts my changes as an avenue back into a life together, well... That is her decision to make, and whatever the decision is, it will come WITH TIME.

My side of the street, as it were, will be spotless and gleaming, even having been "repaved" as a result of my "community improvement project". But I treat our "street" as the border between two towns. Her side: Again, up to her, and the decisions she makes about her emotional "budget".

People will be drawn to me because of my confidence, my strength, my compassion, and my love for myself. If she is one of them, great. If not, well, that's OK too. Note that I am not indifferent of the outcome, but accepting of the possibilities. I would give anything to have my wife back, but I know that there is nothing certain on this path we currently travel.

My son will still have 2 loving parents, regardless of this outcome, and likewise, I will be happy regardless, as long as we can accomplish that.

Me: 30, W: 29
S: 4
T: 14
M: 5
BD: March, 2015, ILYBNILWY, IDLY, Need Space
OM, EA/PA Discovered (drunken kissing, she says she stopped there? NOPE!): March 2015
S: April 25th, 2015