I confess I am still really struggling with these types of conversations. STBX has always been hyper sensitive to anything that he perceives to be a critique of his parenting (and he perceives a lot) and while we don't converse much - I think its only gotten worse since BD (Although since that time, its taken more of the form of trumpeting what a great dad he is). This is how the internal dialogue progresses.
-You need to say something to him about D7. He can't put her in the middle like that.
-But no matter how carefully you phrase it - he's going to think you are criticizing him.
-At this point, who cares if his tender feelings are hurt? This is about D7.
-Well, you care because you don't want to have a prickly, adversarial relationship with the father of your children.
I've kind of always worked under the assumption that eventually he will mellow out a bit and stop being such a withdrawn ball of guilt and defensiveness. I might be fooling myself - left to his own devices he might just stay this way forever.
I know its frustrating for a lot of LBS at BD when their WAS thinks we can just be friends afterwards. I know I sure as heck felt that way (I would huff to myself - No way could I be friends with someone who treated me with so little respect!).
Dare I say it? I think I'm almost at the point where I would welcome "just friendship". And is this all up to me?
