I had a dream last night were Matt and I were reunited.
And, Matt was irate and frustrated with how I kept house. It was like this strange reminder of all the ways we drove each other crazy. I was remembering how depressed I was and how I would let things in the house go and I was sorta disgusted with myself.
Then, we went to bed and I remembered how he was such a creature of habit that I wasn't ever able to read a book before bed unless HE was reading a book too because the light bothered him. I also submitted and turned off the light...and all these other little things that both of us did and how I drove him crazy which, in turn, drove me crazy, because he could never let them go and get on with life. He would fixate on little things and I felt like I had to restrain all these natural tendencies of mine to please him.
Oddly, I felt repulsed by him. And, I felt exhausted trying to get so many things done AND worry about all his little details that he NEEDED to be happy.
God forbid we should run out of his particular brand of creamer. I always felt he was keeping a book hidden someplace with all the ways Heather let him down. Check! She forgot the creamer again! Check!
Just a journal note.
Thanks AJ. People are people. Not sure why we get who we get. Have to admit though...It's been awfully nice to be away from the maddening crowd I left behind in Ohio. I've never been free of the pressure of them...I can see why my sister chose Texas. It's sorta nice to live AWAY. Love from a distance.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
