So my WW was over yesterday to get the kids from my place. In the last week or so she bought a new car, dyed her hair a completely different color and starts a new job on Monday. She kept talking about her new hair and I just said it looked "nice" and that was about it. She knew she wasn't getting the attention from me that she is used to, so instead she started talking about our D accidentally headbutting her and splitting her lip. She flipped her lower lip down to show me and I got closer, for some reason, everything in me, wanted to lean in and kiss her. I don't know if it was habit or what. In the end I relented, but quickly said "I just about kissed you..." She blushed and said "Yeah, that would have been awkward..." and we laughed for a second. For the rest of the night I thought about what could have happened had I.
That was really one of the first times I thought about something like that with her in a LONG time. I still love her, she has a spot in my heart, but much like my ex girlfriends, she is slowly fading from it. Anyways, just wanted to give you all an update.
Me: 38 W: 32 S10 D6 T: 10 (02/2004) M: 7 (12/2007) Separation 02/2015 OM confirmed 01/2015, D mentioned 12/2014 D finalized 9/2016
Between Easter and the almost kiss yesterday, it has been tough. She has been calling/texting more than usual, which is weird. I know she is no longer talking to either of the guys she initially was having an EA with. There is a new guy in her life, but he sounds like a jackass, so good on her. Frankly any guy dumb enough to stick his thing in her devil chute deserves what he gets.
I think the hardest part of seeing her, is I DO see a glimpse of the "old" her peak out. That is the one I love, that is the one I miss, that is the one I yearn for, but almost like a light switch, the "new" her comes out and that is that.
Best advice I can give anyone is detach. No matter the cost. No matter the heartache. No matter what. Do it. YOU will be better for it.
Me: 38 W: 32 S10 D6 T: 10 (02/2004) M: 7 (12/2007) Separation 02/2015 OM confirmed 01/2015, D mentioned 12/2014 D finalized 9/2016
Nothing too new to report. I am doing great, I am happy, I am accepting, I am moving forward with life. She has continued to let me down time and time again (I had to put our dog down a week or so ago, she blew me off on going so I went by myself). We still talk, but she has realized that I am done and I think it's pissing her off.
I actually went out on a date last Saturday. A gal I was introduced to a few months ago asked if I wanted to go see a local band at a club. While we were there, I saw a few of my WW's friends and within minutes I started getting texts from her. I ignored them all, which only made her more upset. I just don't care anymore about her or what she thinks/says/does.
It took me a long time to get to this point. Several months of depression, loneliness and the occasional suicidal thought. BUT like a phoenix, I rose from the ashes and couldn't be happier.
For those who are new, the best advice I can give is to GAL. Had I never started that process, I would be up the creek without a paddle. GET OUT AND DO IT!
Me: 38 W: 32 S10 D6 T: 10 (02/2004) M: 7 (12/2007) Separation 02/2015 OM confirmed 01/2015, D mentioned 12/2014 D finalized 9/2016
So it's been a while since I was last here, I figured I would give you guys an update so here we go.
Our house officially hits the market July 1st. I moved out a month or so ago, it was just too depressing to be there. I have a cool new place, right on a lake, my kids are sharing a room (it's only a 2 bedroom) but it works for now.
The WW is still out doing her thing. We go out to lunch probably every other week. We also try to do stuff as a "family" every so often as well. I can tell that she is second thinking things, often when we are out she initiates hand holding, rubs my shoulders, compliments, etc. All of this goes with a "thanks" and that's about it. Over the last 6 months I went from doing everything I could think of to save my marriage to excited about my future. I am realizing that my wife is not the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, not now anyway. And I think she is realizing that things were not as bad as she made them out to be.
I just want those who are new here to know that it does get better, but you have to make the steps to make it so. I love life again, probably more than I have in years. I love being able to meet new people, getting my confidence back was a bit of an experience but it's here and going strong. I am dating (nothing serious with anyone) and even that has been fun.
The first steps people is to GAL. At first it's to show your spouse that you can change, that you can do things out of your comfort zone, but it quickly helps yourself realize that you CAN survive. I have faith in you all, don't lose hope people!
Me: 38 W: 32 S10 D6 T: 10 (02/2004) M: 7 (12/2007) Separation 02/2015 OM confirmed 01/2015, D mentioned 12/2014 D finalized 9/2016
Things are starting to get a little strange in my world as of lately.
Over the last few weeks, my WW, kids and myself have hung out here and there. My kids are excited and my daughter just loves saying "Family time" when we are all together. Yesterday, we took the kids to see The Minions movie. My son sat to the left of me, the WW to the right of me and my daughter on the other side of her. Often through the movie, the WW would lean towards me putting her head on my shoulder and what not. No big deal, whatever.
On our drive home she broached the subject of our marriage and how it was HER fault it failed! What you have to understand with her is that she would NEVER admit fault for anything, it was just how she was wired. But she was adamant that the failure was hers and hers alone. Totally caught me off guard. We got to her place, I gave my kids a hug and kiss, looked at my WW and said "Come over here and give your sweaty husband a hug (it was 90+ degree's out)." Which she giggled and did.
Who knows what the future will bring I guess. I do love her, I do miss her, but I just am not sure if reconciling would be something I could handle. Any thoughts?
Me: 38 W: 32 S10 D6 T: 10 (02/2004) M: 7 (12/2007) Separation 02/2015 OM confirmed 01/2015, D mentioned 12/2014 D finalized 9/2016
ET thanks for the update. I was thinking of you the other day. I am so glad that you have found the awesomeness within you, now your ww is seeing it to.
We've never cross-posted before, but I just wanted to drop in and say hello. Sounds like you are right about where I am.
Interesting how at first we are begging, pleading, and want nothing more than to reconcile, so we bust our a$$es getting in physical and mental shape, the W starts to "come around", and now we find ourselves questioning whether it's something that WE want.
Best of luck to you. I hope that you are able to find some stability, no matter which route YOU decide to go.
