I know i have and had a role in where we are today, but The complexity of my wife, hi intelligence, low self esteem hidden behind a very confident shell and past issues, i now know are playing a massive part in this.
Stuart,
Uncanny description of my WW. During BD, WW said I took her self esteem down to zero. I had no clue what she meant at the time, but I see now that it wasn't me who did that, it was herself. While I had no clue had bad it was, I had tried to help her with it; reassuring her with her job, her parenting, etc. However, I see that I could have said anything, the infatuation of the A is what was making her temporarily 'happy' but as she got more involved there, the guilt was destroying her self esteem by building guilt and shame when she wasn't with him. My BD started with a simple question to her; "What's going on, is everything alright, you seem kind of distant"
I often say (mind-reading) that a huge part of this is WW needs to deal with the stigma of what she has done. I was so oblivious to the whole A, everyone else around me figured it out first. I was dumb and told her that others needed to convince me; and I think that's a big part of where she is today.
Also, my wife and I are both logical thinkers. However the A got her into a 'fog' of purely emotional thinking. She's a planner and always makes very calculated moves, but in the sitch its like she's not thinking anything through at all.
Keep posting questions about W in the short-term, as it takes some time (naturally) to move away from analyzing her and start to look out for yourself; which will be your next step. I think that I can help you out on some of them, especially as WW has spiraled into a darker place since BD.
M:36 W:37 T: 15 M:11 S6 D5 BD: 8/10/14 IDLY: 8/12/14 S: 8/13/14 (she left, I stayed w/ kids) D Mentioned: 10/15/14 Confronted about OM: 10/15/14 EA: ~4/13 PA: ~10/13 She filed: 8/15 (not final)
