I thought everything was okay....(Part 5)

[MCS]

Interesting again to see you a few steps ahead of me. I haven't had this feeling of "being family" alone with the kids, even though we do a lot of stuff. It still feels like a temporary period.

Yeah, I think that's what took me back tonight. It was almost like I 'forgot' that WW was not there until I had the realization at the end. I have to say, when I posted a few hours ago, I was a mess and probably cried for the first time in a week or two; but it passed much quicker and I feel a whole lot better. Progress.

I sometimes wonder what WW would think if she realized that I think so much about the sitches. In many ways, my feelings have calmed down but not changed. If anything, as the magnitude of the consequences is hitting me, I increasingly feel that it would have been so much easier to fix things. It's like day 1.

Yep, I agree. I'm there to. It seemed like I was 'moving on' at first but I'm guessing its actually being detached because my objective in the long run is the same. I've just accepted that may not be what is meant to be.

In your dream, she asks you if this thing is repairable. I thought: "No MCS, she is not wondering if YOU think it's repairable, she knows you think so. She is wondering if she wants to repair it." And then I remembered that it applies to my sitch and all those dialogues in my head with WW about how this is repairable are pointless, they do not even address the issue.

Yep, good point. I don't know what triggered this. I wonder if was a couple weeks back when I finally told her that I didn't want her back if this is who she is. It was true, but it caught me by surprise that I said it.

For BIL, yes it's better that you let her come to you. She'll choose if she wants your input and support. Plus, she might be uncomfortable when she realizes that you know and that will open a whole new can of worms.

Yeah, that's what my DB gut is saying to me also (my old approach would be to call her right away.) Plus, I can tell she's trying to hold onto every piece of me still being 'in her life' as the reason she's still unhappy. Bringing this up would probably make her think I'm still trying to 'get back' into her life.