I'm keeping up with your situation, and it seems there are alot of positives.
Let me caution you however. And I deliver this from my own past experiences.
When this happened to me, these overtures were tests. What I gather from these tests is that she is determining if she has control over you or not.
So, she has an emotional affair which in my view is just as damnable as a physical one, and now she is giving you affection and love and you are sucking it in like some lost puppy. She knows you are afraid of her and that she can control you.
And let's admit it, you are afraid of her.
In my case, this was all self defeating. She lost respect for me. And once her tests for control were successful, the situation went from hopeful to eunuch.
I don't know if this is happening in your case. You are living it and you're going to have to watch her attitude. I will tell you this, the moment you sense she has lost respect for you, a different direction needs to be considered.
Also, I want you to understand something. The possibility of a PA is always there. I'm not trying to give you more anxiety but don't believe a word she is saying.
My advice?
Fear and anxiety is defeated by boundaries. If she is currently in an EA, let her know that you will never accept that. You can't stop her, but you don't have to tolerate it. There are ways to improve a relationship, going to OM is not a solution. Remember, WAS use AP's as a tool to break off relationships. A's are not the reason why the M broke down. It was broken before the A.
Start letting her go. Implement boundaries, no contact, detach, and concentrate on yourself and your kids.
"Oh but I will lose her if I do this".
I had that thought too. But back then, even with the hope, I had in fact lost her the moment she had the A.
