Hi Seaside. I am so sorry you are here, but, you have landed among some special people.
Cadet will be by soon with some important reading for you to do.
I am going to get some business out of the way before we talk about your situation.
You are on moderation so your posts wont happen in real time for a little while. Post often and post to others - that helps you get off moderation more quickly. Stick to one thread until it reaches 100 posts. Try to separate it into paragraphs as it makes it easier for us to read. The more info you give us, the better we can help.
Ok, know that you will get through this. Dbing will seem like the opposite of what you think you should do.
If your h is in crisis, this is going to be a long haul. This isnt for the faint of heart so you need to take care of yourself. Eat, rest, exercise.
It is important that you h feels as if he is being heard. So, you need to hear that he doesnt know if he wants to be married. Doesnt mean its true. Doesnt mean he will always feel that way. But he does now so you need to act as if you heard it.
Give him a lot of space. Be positive and upbeat around him. Do not pursue him. Again, because you need to act as if you heard him. Pursuing him in any way will just make him angry.
Do not say you love him. Do not initiate sex, cuddling, etc. That is pursuing. Do not ask him to move out unless that is what you want. Do not offer to move out. He wants out, he needs to figure it out.
He needs to see you moving forward. You need to move forward for you.
You have to GAL (get a life) and do things that you always wanted to do.
Do not have relationship talks with him. Do not tell him about this place. It is for you.
Look at the things he tells you that he was unhappy with. Figure out which ones are true, throw the rest away.
Start to work on changing those things for you. If you do it for him, he will see right through it.
Most people have a crisis due to something that was unresolved in childhood. Then a life situation triggers it..like an accident, a death, a job loss. A lot of MLCers lack coping skills.
I know this is so hard, sweetie. But you can do this. We can help.
