I was very happy reading your posts about your wife's moves lately. I know it sounds like self pity but she is slowly realizing that it is not what she wants or at least not what she thinks it would be.
Life is complicated. You said many times that you could be a bit better during your M, just because she left it is not an automatic "You are guilty" stamp. After 4kids, your sickness, house, cats, dogs, and a lot more, I can see myself going crazy too.
That's what happen to me, I gave up on life. I did not leave my family physically, but I can remember I left my family mentally many, many times.
Once she took that decision, it is hard to just turn around and say that you made a mistake and want to be back. First, you get even more confused and does not know for sure if you want to go back to the same torture, second you are full of guilty and shame.
I think you are walking in the right direction. Would help to know what is her Love Language? So you could go in that direction?
I read a story in the "success stories" here in this website, that tells how a man won his wife back just being her friend, having a lot of patience and being there all the time. He even says that he question himself many times, if he was not just a fool. He struggled seeing his W living with OM, but he was decided to fight for his M and he did. With love and lots of patience he got his wife back, and he said their R was better then ever.
So, it may take some time, but it is very possible that she was very stressed out, tired of life as it was, routine, kids. And I am not saying she doesn't value all this, she was just empty. Her love jar was empty.
What about dating her? Could it happen without being very obvious. Is she the kind of woman that will initiate anything? If not, then how do you expect her to move closer to you? I feel that she needs at least to have some kind of hope that you wouldn't cut her off if she tries to get closer. Do you think she knows she has the door open to her family and your heart?
Maybe I am a bit romantic, but I have this feminine side that needs some assurance from my H. Sorry, just being a girl here.
RD, I see it all very positive. It is also the work she has been doing with the L/C. Slowly she is getting more real and will regain her strength and confidence.
