Sorry for the long lapse in posting. It seems G-d is ratcheting up the stress a bit because he knows I can handle it. To quote my cousin: "If he brings you to it, he'll get you through it." Or, if you prefer a line from the movie "Unbroken", "If you can take it, you can make it."
Just a few posts back I was worried about Passover, being on service in the hospital, and my S12s Bar-Mitzvah. Passover came and went - uneventfully, surprisingly. I am currently still on service (taking care of the inpatients in the hospital - high-stress for me), but will be going "off-service" soon. So time is passing. I hope patient care is not being compromised because I am living in a state of distraction these days. I know my phone messages are piling up.
My now-S13s Bar-mitzvah is in less than 2 weeks and I am worried that the whole thing is going to fall apart. The invitations went out way too late. Guests are asking why. So much planning: catering, home hospitality for out-of-towners, speeches to write, more I can't anticipate or think of right now. S13 deserves a great celebration and it hurts me that it is going to be less than he deserves because I cannot get my act together and because my W has become a teenager herself. To add insult to injury my Mother is hospitalized with a heart problem, my sister was also briefly hospitalized due to a back injury while caring for my mother, and my other sister is now on her way to the emergency room for what I fear may be a serious lung problem. I am sad that my mother will not be at the Bar-Mitzvah and I am beginning to fear that a lot of family will not be there. I recognize that the celebration will be what it will be and it is not really in my control, but I am very worried about it. I wish my fellow DBers could come and support me and join in the celebrations. You have all been great when I have needed it. There are so many of you.
Rant/vent: I am still having a terrible time detaching. To quote Mozza, I am still "a crier who's a ball of hurt" - not very attractive. My only saving grace is that W has not seen too much of it. I still keep up a PMA at home and have spent a lot of time with the kids when at home (ran 3 miles with S13 yesterday). I did have an outburst on Sat night: I am just so mad at her. I am sick of being disrespected in my own home: I am sick of her clearly and obviously receiving texts from OM while right in from of me. So I told her so. I am sick of her pretending that she is not having an A. It is so blatant that the whole community knows. Still at the same time, I hold on to a hope that perhaps her R with OM is falling apart and that she will come to her senses. Ugghh! I know she won't!!!!!! I wish I could just move on already.
