Ugh. Went on FB for the first time in a month. She posted a picture of a new shirt and the OM commented "looks good baby". Why do I do this to myself?!
M-33 W-33 S-11, S-8 M-11, T-14 BD - 12/26, Divorce Filing and admits to affair (her) 4/18 I moved out 5/23
For the time being, I would not try to talk her into changing her mind about the D, or to express how you still don't want it. She doesn't need to know you want to slow down the works, okay?
From this point forward, I think you should not interact as though you were her H. I don't mean you can't be civil, or sit down to eat a meal together with the kids, but try to treat her more like you would a boarder staying there. It may help guide your actions & attitude in some things that will come up.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Sandi, thank u. I won't mention it again. No more talk, just action. I'll be civil and upbeat as if she is someone staying in the house, but not my wife. I can thank her for things and have interactions but not spend time alone together.
A couple reasons I haven't unfriended her include having evidence of the affair if the divorce does proceed and just not ready for the rest of the world to see her in a relationship with someone else if she changes her status because of that. I'm just not sure I can handle that right now.
M-33 W-33 S-11, S-8 M-11, T-14 BD - 12/26, Divorce Filing and admits to affair (her) 4/18 I moved out 5/23
It seems like your reasons to NOT un-friend are actually good reasons TO un-friend. Evidence can be gathered during discovery if you choose to D in an adversarial manner: It won't do you much (any) good to see it as it happens. Also, how can you prevent her from changing her relationship status? The rest of the world will have their thoughts. You should be letting go of yours.
Alternatively, you can put her into a different group, such as "Acquaintances" or "Restricted", which will sandbox her from your normal view. That would require willpower to not look, but would keep the avenue open.
Me: 30, W: 29 S: 4 T: 14 M: 5 BD: March, 2015, ILYBNILWY, IDLY, Need Space OM, EA/PA Discovered (drunken kissing, she says she stopped there? NOPE!): March 2015 S: April 25th, 2015
Is it better to unfriend or just not go on Facebook all together? I guess if I dot go on Facebook I avoid everything and if I do unfriend her, I'm backing up my boundary of not being her friend while she commits the affair, right?
M-33 W-33 S-11, S-8 M-11, T-14 BD - 12/26, Divorce Filing and admits to affair (her) 4/18 I moved out 5/23
Well, I just unfriended her on facebook. Exactly what I told her yesterday. Can't be even her facebook friend as she continues to disrespect me, while having the affair. So, I will use facebook to add new friends and keep a journal of all the things I'm doing in my GAL. Will be another way to gain additional support, without using it as a tool to know what she's doing or rant about marriage troubles.
M-33 W-33 S-11, S-8 M-11, T-14 BD - 12/26, Divorce Filing and admits to affair (her) 4/18 I moved out 5/23
