For the time being, I would not try to talk her into changing her mind about the D, or to express how you still don't want it. She doesn't need to know you want to slow down the works, okay?
From this point forward, I think you should not interact as though you were her H. I don't mean you can't be civil, or sit down to eat a meal together with the kids, but try to treat her more like you would a boarder staying there. It may help guide your actions & attitude in some things that will come up.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
