Trying to Follow DB & DR (3)

[Miman2]

Zelda09:

Like I mentioned it's part of my job to be right about things that few people know anything about. When someone has a misconception about something, it's part of my job to correct them, with proof, logic and reasoning to back myself up. I've been wrong LOTS of times, does it bug me? No, not as the other person has the proof, logic, and reasoning to back themselves up.

The thought of being flat out wrong doesn't bother me, as long as there's something to back it up. Having someone just say I'm wrong without any proof, reasoning or arguments to back up the statement does wear on me though.

So I can see that maybe if someone just says I'm wrong without stating why then I can become defensive by trying to back up myself with proof, reasoning, and arguments.

If I think back on things I think my problem lies more in me feeling that other people are wrong. It bugs me if they have some misunderstanding and I have proof to the contrary.

Case in point:

Yes I believe we all can see that now. When people first come on here
posting their stories, they often don't write about who they truly are
or truly behaved towards their WAS. Over time, their true nature comes
out and in your case, you can [be] very condescending. Funny how you never
mentioned it till now

That is really funny! I laughed SO hard!!!
But then I stopped because I did mention it before.

I would spend several hours each night playing video games which she would eventually join in on. She’s called me controlling and condescending. She’s complained that I don’t participate in taking care of the apartment and cats.

See!! That's been bothering since I read MrBond's reply. Maybe he forgot, maybe he didn't read that part, I dunno. But he made an incorrect statement, I have the proof that it is an incorrect statement, so I feel compelled to point it out. Is it a defensive mechanism against me feeling like I'm wrong? Maybe. It doesn't feel like it's a direct attack saying that I'm wrong. Maybe I feel attacked and then I put up a shield of truth against the sword of truthiness.

"Truthiness is a quality characterizing a "truth" that a person making an argument or assertion claims to know intuitively "from the gut" or because it "feels right" without regard to evidence, logic, intellectual examination, or facts."

Don't get me wrong, the nice guy in me will let friends slide with being flat out wrong when they're talking to me. No harm, no foul on their part. If I don't agree or know them to be wrong I feign ignorance saying something like "gee, I'm not really sure what to think about that" or "oh really? I didn't know that". Usually it would be brought up later between me and the W, each of us agreeing that so-and-so incorrectly brought up such-and-such.

Maybe I held my W to a different standard. I felt like she was brilliant and if she did say something I felt was wrong, I felt we could/should talk about it together. There are lots of instances where I've asked her for a better understanding of things and where she's corrected me when I was wrong. I never felt like she was being condescending.

Even if she didn't immediately see my point about something, she would go about doing or thinking whatever it was I thought was wrong and she had freedom to do so.

Things would usually work out in a way that she would realize I was right in the first place. It got to the point where she would say things along the lines of "when I'm in doubt, you are right" and "miman's always right".

As for behaving in a forum, well I guess John Gabriel's G.I.F.T. tends to be true.

As for what to do about it... that's a good question.
Maybe treating more people and my W more like I would my friends.
Feigning ignorance and keeping my opinion to myself.
Is this rolling over and clamming up, choosing my battles more carefully, or a little bit of both?
I would guess that depends on the situation.