My WAW (I believe her to be) and I have been separated since 09/14. This is something that we agreed upon as it would be a "healing separation." This is a process that was developed by the late Dr. Fisher, as a method for healing (rebuilding) your marriage by following the steps he lays out.
In short, his process is to separate in order to alleviate the conflict of living together while the marriage is in trouble. He recommends that the couple attend regular marital counseling sessions and also spend quality time together discussing each other's concerns and desires, as well as just spending time together having light-hearted fun. He provides an agreement form that we each filled out and signed (and even had notarized). We agreed to take six months, and I was fully prepared to honor and work the program. Unfortunately, my wife didn't really feel the same.
After the first few days of the separation, I asked if she would like to take a hike together and maybe talk a little bit about how we're each feeling. She said no and that she'd consider doing that the next month. I was surprised but didn't push. Next I asked her about scheduling some counseling sessions. She again said no, and said that she didn't like feeling pushed into doing things she wasn't ready for. Again I backed off, but felt that she wasn't honoring our agreement.
IMO, she hasn't really honored the agreement at all. We've spent exactly three times together alone (twice for dinner and once for a hike) at my suggestion, but she was cool and withdrawn each time. We are well past the six-month time frame and she has told me that she wants to split up all of our assets, and that she does not want to be married any more, or even have a relationship (with anyone). She told me she hates the societal expectations of marriage and that everyone should live his or her own life on their own terms. She also said that she can be in relationship only if the other person can respect and help her achieve her desires and goals.
This is not the woman I married and I feel like she's being pretty selfish in her outlook. I have done much soul searching and personal work on myself during this period, and I can see and have acknowledged the places where I contributed to our difficulty. I see little evidence of her doing the same. She has done a 180 from a year or so ago. This is not the woman I married and I feel like she's being pretty selfish in her outlook.
There's more but I'll stop here and wait for what ya'll might have to say or advise. I've been reading posts on the board for the past three months and I really respect the wisdom and camaraderie of everyone here.
Thanks, Diesel
Last edited by Cadet; 04/27/1503:24 PM. Reason: book reference not allowed
