Ripken - LRT with Wayward Wife and Divorce Filing

[sandi2]

That's exactly what I told her. I don't want to divorce but won't stand in her way. The second part was I cant be in an open marriage and if she continues the affair that's disrespecting me and I can't me her friend or in her life outside from talks about the boys. Now I show her that by going dark.

Okay, that helps us have a better picture. It sounds better after you put in the rest of it, than just telling her out of the blue that you won't live in an open M. I couldn't understand why you were refusing to eat dinner, etc. This explains it.

Feels like I screwed this up more than I thought

Well, maybe not. However, you are now the one who seems to be suffering the most over these boundaries, so let this be a learning experience to not bite off more than you can chew.

I hope I'm not stepping on anyone's toes that may have given you advice to go dark, but I don't see how it's possible when living together. Going dark means they never see or hear from you, same as if you fell off the planet. There is no contact with them about kids or anything else. So, IMO, you should not even consider the "Going Dark" method. You can, however, use the last resort technique b/c you are definitely in that place. The LRT and Going Dark are two separate methods, and when a couple has children, it is almost impossible to use Going Dark properly.

You can use the LRT without leaving the home/family. You can apply this technique without appearing cold or angry. You can use it and not fall into the friend trap. You can set boundaries. The LRT is not easy, but it's better than what you are trying to do at the moment.

In the future, whenever you make a statement about what you will or won't do.....just make sure you aren't cutting off your nose to spite your face.

Make sure you understand LRT and don't make any pronouncements to her about what you are doing, okay? Based on what you've said you told her, I think you will be able to stick with the boundary you set.