gan 6 - return to human be-ing

[gan]

Thanks, Maybell, V, Jim, Zel and Toots for your thoughts. I feel so lucky to have you around (virtually).

It's ok. I did a narcissist test online and I am only average. So I'll put that one to bed ;-) Just something about this whole situation makes me wonder if i’s me who is off my nut, you know?

Maybell Why did he say he left? He said he was unhappy. Wants more fun, more passion. Wants to date other people. The usual. The things I do own up to though: (1) I didn't validate his feelings enough - he interpreted this as me not listening; (2) I sometimes let work get the better of me and brought home work stress. We both let things slide in the ML department. In Scharnch language, we were "emotionally fused".

Vanilla First, your tone cracks me up. So delightful, yet to the point at the same time. Makes me smile. Is it mindreading if I base my assessment on words that come out of his mouth and his actions or rather non-actions (not making any move toward me in 10 months)?? Re flooding - I do ok with the self-soothing. I’ve read that women do tend to be able to settle themselves faster, and I’m inclined to agree. I’m less concerned about how it feels to me, and more concerned about how it is for those on the other side of it (i.e. H). So it’s the intervening first that I need to work on. What do you suggest? Yoga and meditation probably help…I’ve let those slide while I’ve been travelling but I am getting back on the bandwagon this week (did back to back classes yesterday + meditation this morning). I’m not sure if I’ve been stuffing away my feelings. I do think I have sometimes been parking them someplace with the intention of coming back to them when I know how this is going to play out…like sometimes I catch myself getting worked up over some particular line of thought and decide I’m just not gonna go there because it’s speculation or what not.

Jim Tanzania was amazing, mind-blowing and so fun to get out in the field. Crazy to think what I was doing just 10 days ago - feels like a world away. In terms of the letter - I guess I was mostly thinking of validating some things he said and let him know that I’m taking his lead when it comes to interaction (just as I feared, he now seems to be rationalising us not getting back together because we haven’t had any deep conversation in forever…because you know who is not initiating them).

Zelda I’m not sure if I’m feeling much hope these days. Compassion sure (I believe H true is/was unhappy) but not hope. H didn’t say he wanted to be friends, he said “he wants to have a better relationship with me”…but seems to want to do so without having more frequent interaction. I can’t reconcile those two things in my head. I don’t feel that I can pursue friendship as that seems to disregard his wish not to have more frequent contact.

((Toots)) It’s all I can say to you my friend. I don’t know what we are to do about our fellas!