Another WW/WAW, Need Guidance

[JAS84]

The letter:

I needed to write down how I feel since face to face arguments always begin and end the same way and things go nowhere.

We need to figure out what we are doing. I will give you my side of things and it's going to sound harsh, but I need you to understand the gravity of the situation we are in.

I am at a point that I feel indifferent when it comes to us. I don't want to get divorced but when I roll things around in my head, as I do every day, it's the only conclusion I come to that gives me hope of being a happier person.

I need someone who loves me and shows it, and loves S4 and shows it, someone who wants to go do things, get out and explore, do things with S4 just for fun. Someone who is willing to split responsibilities with me, who takes pride in their home and personal appearance. Someone who loves their family and wants to spend time with them, not just out of obligation. Someone that will treat me the way I should be treated.

I can't go on living in fear that my miserable marriage will be exposed when my son tells someone that Daddy sleeps on the couch every night. You realize that it has been that way for over 4 years, right?

The sleeping on the couch started when I was pregnant. Maybe you don't realize how damaging that is, to know your husband has been sleeping on the couch for 4 years. It hurts. I am not innocent and I know that I have neglected our relationship as well. But, I have felt that I shouldn't be the only one making an effort, so I gave up.

I don't want to live in fear of letting new friends meet you because I don't know what they are going to get. I get embarrassed by you because of how you act around people. I feel like the only time or place you make any type of effort is work. When it comes to any other situation you act as if you are either too good for it or you can't be bothered.

I have felt like you don't care about us for a long time. You've told me different many times and I want to believe you, but then it goes back to the same old, and your actions prove otherwise.

I don't want to be a single mom. I don't want S4 to grow up in a broken home. But I feel like it's more broken now than it would be if we divorced. I think in time he would be happier with 2 separated parents that are happy than miserable parents together.

I need you to think about what I've said and decide if you can and/or are willing to be that person. If not I completely understand. If so we have a lot of work to do. I am willing to keep trying, but not for much longer. I hold a lot of anger and resentment towards you that will take a long time to turn around, if it can even be done. But I can try. We need to decide what we are doing because the longer it goes on like this the worse it's going to get and things are going to end badly. I don't want that.

Please think about it and we can talk.



When we did talk about this, a day later, I said I did want to work on it, but didn't know where to begin. Because of the fear, I ended up not doing much, and the things I did do, were out of desperation, not true self, and she knew it.

BD was a few weeks later.