Jim0987 #13 - Its life Jim, but not as we know it

[edz]

Hi Jim

I totally understand the Dad thing, mine was away 9 months out of 12 in my childhood so really left me wanting in the understanding fatherhood thing. I think that led to me making some really fundamental goofups at times. Better now I've found my own way as well as taming the "black dog".

I certainly used to feel like s had to follow the way my childhood had been, very very strict grandparents tempered by my mother who while she loved me as much as it was possible to do was overindulgent and led to me having some weight and health issues as a boy - she was also often in hospital throughout my childhood leaving me with said grandparents and effictively taking care of them from 7.

Over the past 9 months I realised the obvious that s isnt young me and he and I have arived at a dynamic by talking, discussing and trying (as much as possible) to agree on things. We're presently trying to work through issues he has with transitioning when doing something (say gaming) and its time to go out and do something he'll delay and not move or tantrum. Previously I'd have gone off the deep end, warned of consequences or loss of privileges and generally been heavy handed (not physically - emotionally) now I do the opposite and go calm and talk it through.

Its difficult to break patterns and you and only you know your kids the best, I just at some point realised I'd never thought to actually talk to s and just expected him to understand what we needed to do.

As to knowing our place, I try to think and instill that basic politeness is a given but respect is earned (a huge issue between s and fil/mil right now - s doesnt want to see them and definitely doesnt respect fil which is none of my doing but Im trying to work with him to be polite and I have no interest in him being cut off from grandparents even if they dont like me). Its difficult for generation gaps to be bridged but ultimately your Dad should respect you and that you are their dad and will always do whats best for them.

Go Jim

As to the sitch Im glad to see co-parenting is working well, as we all say (T-shirts coming soon) "I Agree With Toots" who knows what will happen in the future. W told me she would have thought it laughable to talk with me let alone anything else last year, that my voice was like nails on a blackboard to her. Certainly not saying we're a done deal or even approaching piecing yet but certainly things do change.

Cheers matey.