Look I am new too. My learning has come from the mistakes I made through the course of my relationship and through the first weeks and months after my relationship broke up. So if my experience can help you avoid time wasting and falling into traps you don't need to , I am happy to help you with some very novice advice!!
My other learning came from the reading people's sitches and listening to the advice from the vets and reading all the brilliant material including the books!!! Keeping reading and posting!
As for the sex, no true man or gentleman would think any less of you for communicating " I have given our being intimate some thought, and I don't feel comfortable sharing myself in that way with you at the moment, when things are more certain and committed between us, I feel that being intimate with you is something I would just adore, but it is not something I want to do right now".
My hope would be that he respects you setting a boundary. He will know that having sex with you while he can't commit is not ok. Others on the board here may disagree, so make sure to listen to the vets and more experienced newcomers!!!
If you get some angry spew, then , you can check one of two boxes, he is not a man or gentleman, and you can decide if you want to be with someone who does not respect how you control your body, and do you want to be with that person. Or the spew is about his sense of losing control over said situation, and is responding with some uncertainty , which potentially might be a good thing.
As for my situation, well let me just say that fairly typically, my relationship also hit the two year mark and suddenly my ex was all a bit shaken. From the reading I have done and in discussion with my therapist, it seems that this two year mark, is when the real relationship begins, the newness and romance (limerance) has worn off, and now the couple get to compromise and negotiate the big ticket items, like how they spend their time together, how they resolve conflict, how money is spent, what their hopes and dreams are for the future and how to make them happen. At this time two separate people, figure out how to become a couple a family. It is not surprising then that your man is presenting with some anxiety about his commitment of where to from here. He is trying to decide is he in or is he out.
I feel now that my ex was almost testing to me to see how I managed his fear of taking the next step. And I completely let his fear, escalate my own. I failed big time. Don't let this happen to you. I should have just let him be, let him spin, and kept myself centered and in control of my own feelings and emotions. I was completely committed I had no doubt. Why did I need to spin. Instead I panicked, thinking that his uncertainty was about this lack of love and commitment. I now realise it wasn't. I just needed to have held my own.
I don't know if any of the above is true for you. It likely that your man has his reasons for why he is uncertain. But talking about those reasons right now with all the emotion in the air is a bad bad decision.
Keep coming here and venting, and being emotional. But with him, be the strong and stable oak, or there is a story here called the LIghthouse, read it. Plant your feet Tulo, you have got this!!!
Written to you from New Zealand that is enjoying a lovely autumn evening
