Heather, the hard part of overcoming difficulties is seeing how life would be without them. Tasteless. We need some difficulties in our lives to grow as humans. Life is messy to say the least and we are in it together.
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Postscript. My dad might actually be invited to the party. He has done what he could, financially, to help make up for his past transgressions. I see that. I do. He's tried.
The tough part is working through that with him. It's worth it if you can.
My father lost himself when my mom died. I was 16 and he was gone when I needed him most. Or so I thought. My sister was pi$$ed off to high heaven about that. She felt I was being treated badly and didn't like it. She was 18.
Fast forward 20 years. I chose not to let it bother me, or at least to retaliate. I knew he had his own issues and I accepted that. He worked very hard to rekindle the relationships with me and my sister. I'm glad I was open to it and so was my sister. We were able to heal from all of that. In ways I didn't even realize that I needed to.
I was angry he wasn't there when I needed him. My sister was angry. It was a challenge to be sure. One I needed as it turned out.
Dad died suddenly last year. We both miss him a lot. He re-entered our lives when he could and we let him.
And I am incredibly glad I did. I am very glad he tried to re-enter and to seek that forgiveness. That was not easy for him, believe me. And I didn't let him off the hook easily. I tested him because I needed to trust him. The choice to not be angry and not carry the burden that was his any longer than I felt I needed to was the right choice. And one that led to forgiveness and a satisfying and deep relationship.
I hope that your father and you can continue your relationship. It can be worth it, although it is not easy for either of you.
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
