This topic is interesting for me because I (the man) am both the sexual and emotional pursuer. My wife is actually the sexual and emotional distancer. So it is flipped from the "norm".
Reading the description there are also some crossover with us. For example: I am a leader even though I am the pursuer. My wife is the controlling one even though she is the distancer.
How often does this type of thing happen? Where the man is the more emotional one and the pursuer and the woman is the more stoic and controlling distancer?
My pickle is this. My wife wants a divorce because I went through some depression and she deemed me an unavailable husband and father and felt abandoned. During our separation (which is going on 6 months) I have pursued her like crazy. It has backfired. The last month I have been trying to strike a balance. I am NOT pursuing her but am making a 180 in ensuring that I am much more pro-active in the relationship with my kids and being "helpful" to her in things like chores etc.
It's a strange dynamic for me because my wife has said she is done and wants a divorce. I can't just go dark because that would be viewed as validating her image of me as an absent father and husband. But I also can't pursue her. So I'm distancing myself from her by not talking about our R. I only initiate contact if it is to discuss the kids. I am making sure I am going out of my way to talk to my kids everyday and spend as much of my time off from work with them. I also do chores around my house when I am there with the kids and she is not. But I don't advertise it to her. So I'm giving her the space she needs from me by not emotionally pursuing her. But at the same time I am showing her through my actions that my depression is gone, that the depressed me was not the real me and am being the most attentive father and helpful husband I can be.
It's a strange dynamic in my situation. Anyone have any thoughts?
