A combination of journaling and looking for support tonight. If you’ve been reading my posts you know I was shocked a couple of ways ago when my WW told me she loved me. For the past few days prior to that there was a different look about her, like a bit of vulnerability had inched back. That was Friday. Yesterday was my birthday, I had previously planned to spend it with family and friends, which I did (out of town) and she took the D’s to her brothers.
We both got back late Sunday afternoon and it has been a tough night. No affection from her. Some of that iciness is back. I’m doing my best to keep up with my 180’s but my anxiety is so high. I really have to fake feeling good and confident tonight. I haven’t had this much anxiety in several weeks. Having read articles that Cadet posted including LBH post by Sandi2, I know that I shouldn’t be surprised by my WW swing in moods, emotions and affection. But tonight is just really hard.
I’m doing my best to maintain distance, try to make her the pursuer, but today I can tell she is really resisting. Tonight we went through our calendar for the week (to figure out work schedules and drop off/pick up of our daughters at school.) I mentioned that I wanted to hang out with a friend one night (I already go to a support group on another night) and she was upset because she wants to hang out with a friend. I told her to just schedule her night with her friend and I would schedule a different night so that one of us is always home with our D’s. It’s complicated to completely detach and GAL with children and now I feel like she is beginning to resent my attempts to do so and just a couple of days ago she was acting so different.
Cadet mentioned the squirrel analogy and that I should make “any sudden movements.” I haven’t, I’ve stuck to exactly what seemed to be working, but at least today she’s not creeping any closer. Is there another strategy I need to try? I really need a little help and support tonight.
